Jim doesn't rouse when Felix does, at least not at first. The captain lays in bed and listens to the conjurer move about the room with eyes closed.How untroubled his movements are. Lazy from sleep and relaxed. As though all of their friends and companions weren't suffering in some distant date because not even time is the same here as it was.
His stomach twists. Equal parts hunger and disgust.
Jim waits until Felix has excused himself to the shared bathroom before he slips out of bed and pulls on his clothes. Sets the replicator to make him a plain turkey sandwich (should be bland enough to stay down Jim hopes) while he pulls on a clean uniform for the first time in months. He doesn't wait for Felix to come out before he leaves, taking the food with him.
It feels almost unreal marching down the halls of the Enterprise-A after so long being kept from the thrumming hum of her engines. Smooth (but different from the old Enterprise's, Jim hasn't yet forgotten her heartbeat for this one) and comforting. Home.
Yet, somehow. Not where he belongs right now.
Still, he puts on his best face and greets everyone who wishes him well. Waylays any concerns that arise for the captain's well being. A flu, they would have been told. While the truth lay buried in the cold weeks from now in some alternate reality they'll never return to--a world where the crew had to deal with Jim's disappearance. Maybe it's because he's spent so long in the Nexus that he thinks of that so readily. The what if's pile up on top of each other as a distraction from what's eating away at him.
"If it ain't on fire I don't wanna hear about--Jim!" The doctor's startle only adds to Jim's guilt. Torn between a duty he has to his people here--his family--and the people he's left back in the Nexus however unwillingly. Jim puts up suspiciously little fuss as he follows McCoy back into his office and starts nibbling at his sandwich while the doctor locks the door.
"Don't ask. I know you're going to but please. Don't. We were stuck somewhere cold and dark without enough to eat for weeks. That's all you need to know." Jim doesn't want to have to go further. Bones waves the explanation off when he turns around.
"I coulda told you that when Caelus brought you both in. Felix, I mean." That's taking some getting used to yet. "He explained enough of it. What am I missing?"
"...We were the only two who escaped. The others are still there." It's out of a determined need to recover that Jim's eating now. His stomach feels like a lead weight inside of him eating while he thinks of their faces.
"Son of a bitch. No wonder you're half dead." Bones knows just enough to understand why Jim would have been worse off. There was someone to save. Others, too, from the sound of it. Jim's head won't be here on the ship while they're still in danger. "You'd be mad to go back. You were half dead when you got here."
"I can't go back. Not yet, anyway." Captain Kirk glances around the office before he forces the rest of his meager meal down. "I'm too weak yet and we'd only be stuck again or punished for leaving in the first place."
"I won't say I'm sorry he brought you back, Jim." McCoy sees the fire in Jim's gaze when the captain snaps it onto his best friend. He knows nothing is that easy for Jim Kirk. "If you can't go back then--"
"I need to focus on what I can do. Recover. Right?" There's bitterness in Jim's words but not denial. He gets up from where he's been leaning against Bones' desk and settles himself next to the doctor and dutifully rolls up one sleeve so Bones can get to work looking him over.
no subject
His stomach twists. Equal parts hunger and disgust.
Jim waits until Felix has excused himself to the shared bathroom before he slips out of bed and pulls on his clothes. Sets the replicator to make him a plain turkey sandwich (should be bland enough to stay down Jim hopes) while he pulls on a clean uniform for the first time in months. He doesn't wait for Felix to come out before he leaves, taking the food with him.
It feels almost unreal marching down the halls of the Enterprise-A after so long being kept from the thrumming hum of her engines. Smooth (but different from the old Enterprise's, Jim hasn't yet forgotten her heartbeat for this one) and comforting. Home.
Yet, somehow. Not where he belongs right now.
Still, he puts on his best face and greets everyone who wishes him well. Waylays any concerns that arise for the captain's well being. A flu, they would have been told. While the truth lay buried in the cold weeks from now in some alternate reality they'll never return to--a world where the crew had to deal with Jim's disappearance. Maybe it's because he's spent so long in the Nexus that he thinks of that so readily. The what if's pile up on top of each other as a distraction from what's eating away at him.
"If it ain't on fire I don't wanna hear about--Jim!" The doctor's startle only adds to Jim's guilt. Torn between a duty he has to his people here--his family--and the people he's left back in the Nexus however unwillingly. Jim puts up suspiciously little fuss as he follows McCoy back into his office and starts nibbling at his sandwich while the doctor locks the door.
"Don't ask. I know you're going to but please. Don't. We were stuck somewhere cold and dark without enough to eat for weeks. That's all you need to know." Jim doesn't want to have to go further. Bones waves the explanation off when he turns around.
"I coulda told you that when Caelus brought you both in. Felix, I mean." That's taking some getting used to yet. "He explained enough of it. What am I missing?"
"...We were the only two who escaped. The others are still there." It's out of a determined need to recover that Jim's eating now. His stomach feels like a lead weight inside of him eating while he thinks of their faces.
"Son of a bitch. No wonder you're half dead." Bones knows just enough to understand why Jim would have been worse off. There was someone to save. Others, too, from the sound of it. Jim's head won't be here on the ship while they're still in danger. "You'd be mad to go back. You were half dead when you got here."
"I can't go back. Not yet, anyway." Captain Kirk glances around the office before he forces the rest of his meager meal down. "I'm too weak yet and we'd only be stuck again or punished for leaving in the first place."
"I won't say I'm sorry he brought you back, Jim." McCoy sees the fire in Jim's gaze when the captain snaps it onto his best friend. He knows nothing is that easy for Jim Kirk. "If you can't go back then--"
"I need to focus on what I can do. Recover. Right?" There's bitterness in Jim's words but not denial. He gets up from where he's been leaning against Bones' desk and settles himself next to the doctor and dutifully rolls up one sleeve so Bones can get to work looking him over.
Focus on what he can do now.
Like have a talk with his husband.