Felix Caelus (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
conjuredskies) wrote2020-08-05 12:19 am
conjuredskies) wrote2020-08-05 12:19 am
Playing With Shadows II, for smartass_captain
The darkness flows around him, a river of shadow beneath a moonless night. His hands are in agony and there’s a dull thudding pain in his skull, but he’s safe. For now. At least until Jim finds out what he’s done.
Which… is fuck up a ritual in their most hated place and let loose a powerful, bloodthirsty daedric warrior.
Felix utters all the Andorian words Norn’s taught him not to say.
“Are you just going to sit there, featherless? Don’t you know how to walk?” There’s a familiar harshness to the voice; Felix isn’t surprised to lift his head and see the crow sitting in a stunted tree close by. Though in his defence, he thinks, it’s a black bird sitting in a black tree in the realm of eternal night. It doesn’t exactly grab the eye.
“You’re… the Knave of Rooks, aren’t you?” The smallest of the Blackfeather Court, and one of the lowest-ranking, from his observations.
“Correct, mortal!” The bird puffs and preens. “Prince Nocturnal commanded that I should guide you through her glorious realm of Evergloam, in fulfilment of your contract!”
"You? So then..." She didn't set one of her phantom Nightingales to handle this errand. Even a former mortal must outrank the bird. But Felix bites his tongue hard on that. Not the time to start offending his guide with such observations, even if he's inadvertently learning something.
The Knave cocks his head at Felix, the glint of his eyes a violet spark in the gloom. “Well? Speak! Where is it you need to go?”
“Uh-“ To the Enterprise, scream the white-hot nerves in his hands, the ache of his skull and ribs. To the ship and Dr. McCoy and all his wonderful shiny machines for making the pain go right the hell away.
Then he considers the look on Jim’s face when Bones immediately reports this, and winces. Anyway, there’s precious few shadows to fall out of on the Enterprise. He’d be as well going to their quarters and then he might give Jim a nasty surprise to his face.
“Iowa. My home on Earth.” He doesn’t know if that means much to the crow, but maybe that doesn’t matter.
“Very well. Follow! Hurry up!” The crow flaps off, leaving the mage to stumble after him, up the bank of the dark river and through a sparse wood Felix has glimpsed before. He finds his sight starting to adjust to the shadows as he picks his way over rocks and roots, trying to stick to what path there is. The bird calls to him again each time he drops behind, harsh and grating and peppered with commentary Felix can’t concentrate enough to be annoyed by.
The pain in his hands ebbs and throbs in turns. Eventually he musters himself to speak again, just to distract himself.
“Hey… Knave? You’re a servant of Nocturnal. A… a wise noble of this realm. Can you tell me… why the hood I wear didn’t protect my mind, from… from the foul place I delved into?”
The compliments seem to do the trick: the bird stops to preen instead of complaining about the question. He seems to hesitate, though. Felix nearly flinches when he flies down to the conjurer’s shoulder, leans over to tug the hood with his beak.
“The boon of Nocturnal? Her Gift of Merciful Shadow?" His voice is even harsher delivered straight into Felix's ear. "It softens the bitter edges of the light, veils the bones too sharp for mortal minds to bear.”
“Yes- I know that, but then why didn’t it work?” It didn’t stop Rielle from getting to him. Reminding him…
“How should I know, featherless? It makes things seem no more than the lies they tell, yes? Maybe you are a bad liar!” The Knave scoffs and flaps loudly away into the darkness.
A bad liar? That doesn't even make... Felix nearly laughs until the shooting pain in his ribs makes it a whimper. He doesn't have energy to waste on ruining what little dignity he has left; he shuts up and follows until the Knave circles a pool of shadow, cawing pointedly. The conjurer steps into it- and lands on the rug in a darkened living room.
He doesn’t dare look at his hands until he’s running them under cold water. The burns left by the backlash of the spell are… bad, the skin bubbled and raw. Conjurer’s burn is an occupational hazard but he’s never been so stupid as to let himself fail at a summoning this badly. Never felt the results like this.
He’s infinitely lucky not to be dead, of course. He knows that down to his bones. Lucky to be here - he couldn’t have worked a PINpoint like this.
The burns are nothing he couldn’t heal… if he only had the use of his hands. Felix allows himself to groan and swear with the pain- and the anger at himself. The house is empty, nobody cares. He does have a stash of potions, though the way his body complains he doubts he’ll have anything strong enough to fully tackle what he’s done to himself. He goes for the best one- the emergency elixir stashed in a cupboard, gingerly maneuvering it down to the counter with his seared hands. Hugging it in the crook of his elbow as he painfully gets the stopper off.
When he lifts the hefty bottle to drink- he tips his head back, there’s a moment of nauseating dizziness - it slips out of his fumbling hands, spilling across the counter as it bounces-
-rolls-
-hits the floor and smashes.
Felix stares at the ghastly mess over the tiles. At the ghastly mess of his hands. For some reason all he can think despite the despair and the burning pain is What am I going to tell Jim?
And oddly, that’s when something clicks. He understands, quite suddenly. Not knowing whether to laugh or cry, Felix starts to do both. A painful, racking, sobbing laugh as he slumps against the counter and lets himself just… surrender for a minute.
What are you going to tell him? Idiot. You don’t even know what to tell yourself.
Which… is fuck up a ritual in their most hated place and let loose a powerful, bloodthirsty daedric warrior.
Felix utters all the Andorian words Norn’s taught him not to say.
“Are you just going to sit there, featherless? Don’t you know how to walk?” There’s a familiar harshness to the voice; Felix isn’t surprised to lift his head and see the crow sitting in a stunted tree close by. Though in his defence, he thinks, it’s a black bird sitting in a black tree in the realm of eternal night. It doesn’t exactly grab the eye.
“You’re… the Knave of Rooks, aren’t you?” The smallest of the Blackfeather Court, and one of the lowest-ranking, from his observations.
“Correct, mortal!” The bird puffs and preens. “Prince Nocturnal commanded that I should guide you through her glorious realm of Evergloam, in fulfilment of your contract!”
"You? So then..." She didn't set one of her phantom Nightingales to handle this errand. Even a former mortal must outrank the bird. But Felix bites his tongue hard on that. Not the time to start offending his guide with such observations, even if he's inadvertently learning something.
The Knave cocks his head at Felix, the glint of his eyes a violet spark in the gloom. “Well? Speak! Where is it you need to go?”
“Uh-“ To the Enterprise, scream the white-hot nerves in his hands, the ache of his skull and ribs. To the ship and Dr. McCoy and all his wonderful shiny machines for making the pain go right the hell away.
Then he considers the look on Jim’s face when Bones immediately reports this, and winces. Anyway, there’s precious few shadows to fall out of on the Enterprise. He’d be as well going to their quarters and then he might give Jim a nasty surprise to his face.
“Iowa. My home on Earth.” He doesn’t know if that means much to the crow, but maybe that doesn’t matter.
“Very well. Follow! Hurry up!” The crow flaps off, leaving the mage to stumble after him, up the bank of the dark river and through a sparse wood Felix has glimpsed before. He finds his sight starting to adjust to the shadows as he picks his way over rocks and roots, trying to stick to what path there is. The bird calls to him again each time he drops behind, harsh and grating and peppered with commentary Felix can’t concentrate enough to be annoyed by.
The pain in his hands ebbs and throbs in turns. Eventually he musters himself to speak again, just to distract himself.
“Hey… Knave? You’re a servant of Nocturnal. A… a wise noble of this realm. Can you tell me… why the hood I wear didn’t protect my mind, from… from the foul place I delved into?”
The compliments seem to do the trick: the bird stops to preen instead of complaining about the question. He seems to hesitate, though. Felix nearly flinches when he flies down to the conjurer’s shoulder, leans over to tug the hood with his beak.
“The boon of Nocturnal? Her Gift of Merciful Shadow?" His voice is even harsher delivered straight into Felix's ear. "It softens the bitter edges of the light, veils the bones too sharp for mortal minds to bear.”
“Yes- I know that, but then why didn’t it work?” It didn’t stop Rielle from getting to him. Reminding him…
“How should I know, featherless? It makes things seem no more than the lies they tell, yes? Maybe you are a bad liar!” The Knave scoffs and flaps loudly away into the darkness.
A bad liar? That doesn't even make... Felix nearly laughs until the shooting pain in his ribs makes it a whimper. He doesn't have energy to waste on ruining what little dignity he has left; he shuts up and follows until the Knave circles a pool of shadow, cawing pointedly. The conjurer steps into it- and lands on the rug in a darkened living room.
He doesn’t dare look at his hands until he’s running them under cold water. The burns left by the backlash of the spell are… bad, the skin bubbled and raw. Conjurer’s burn is an occupational hazard but he’s never been so stupid as to let himself fail at a summoning this badly. Never felt the results like this.
He’s infinitely lucky not to be dead, of course. He knows that down to his bones. Lucky to be here - he couldn’t have worked a PINpoint like this.
The burns are nothing he couldn’t heal… if he only had the use of his hands. Felix allows himself to groan and swear with the pain- and the anger at himself. The house is empty, nobody cares. He does have a stash of potions, though the way his body complains he doubts he’ll have anything strong enough to fully tackle what he’s done to himself. He goes for the best one- the emergency elixir stashed in a cupboard, gingerly maneuvering it down to the counter with his seared hands. Hugging it in the crook of his elbow as he painfully gets the stopper off.
When he lifts the hefty bottle to drink- he tips his head back, there’s a moment of nauseating dizziness - it slips out of his fumbling hands, spilling across the counter as it bounces-
-rolls-
-hits the floor and smashes.
Felix stares at the ghastly mess over the tiles. At the ghastly mess of his hands. For some reason all he can think despite the despair and the burning pain is What am I going to tell Jim?
And oddly, that’s when something clicks. He understands, quite suddenly. Not knowing whether to laugh or cry, Felix starts to do both. A painful, racking, sobbing laugh as he slumps against the counter and lets himself just… surrender for a minute.
What are you going to tell him? Idiot. You don’t even know what to tell yourself.
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"I'd rather do it myself but..." A flop of a bandaged appendage. "I was supposed t'check in ages ago. He's... probably really worried. If he went to you." His friend is less fearful than his shy demeanor lets on, but he's still especially shy around his captain despite their point of commonality in Felix. Understandable, of course. It's not like the two of them socialize casually.
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Jim can't blame Felix for preferring to do the messaging himself. Even married there's a sense of privacy being uncomfortably brushed up against to look through someone else's private messages. Even if Jim set them to play out text to speech he'd hear it all if he didn't get up to leave again and he Really doesn't want to get up any more right now.
Kav and Jim have only ever interacted with each other professionally really, save for small moments when he's over visiting Felix when Jim gets off shift or during their wedding. So it's a bit startling to see how verbose Kav is over text. Also how unprofessional. But that's not exactly surprising, Jim's not professional at all off the clock around his friends.
His eyebrows creep right up his forehead until they're making a bid to escape into his hairline.
"He's....very worried yes. Also, pissed." Let him just text Kav first to let him know Felix is alright and getting treated now (also that Jim is the one messaging him), before he scrolls back up and starts reading them aloud.
"Beta shift starts in ten minutes, do you know when you'll be back?" Scroll. "I just checked the ship and you're not back yet. What's gone wrong?" Scroll, scroll. "You're going to owe me some of that goddamn Colovian Brandy by the time you get back if you've forgotten this...."
The best Jim can do to spare Felix's dignity is to not look at his husband in between reading these. Give him his time to wince without being observed. Time perhaps to understand how things progressed here while he was in Rielle. What moved Kav to pull Jim aside and breech Felix's trust to keep this between them and get the captian involved in the first place.
"....You told me you had this under control. That's the last of it."
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Gods, though. Even in Jim's more even tone the mounting fear and anger creeping into Kav's messages come through loud and clear. He never really explained what his plan was to Kav. Didn't tell him what kind of dangers were entailed, no hint of what to envisage. As far as Kav must have been concerned... any kind of horror might have befallen Felix, and he wasn't supposed to tell. Until he decided he had too.
Nor was he wrong. Felix groans softly, eyes half closed. He can't meet Jim's eyes.
"Fuck... I really do owe him that drink."
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"I messaged him already to tell him you were here. At least he won't have to worry any more."
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Sigh. "Figure out... how t'make it up t'both of you."
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"....It's not...about making anything up to us, Felix. You have to...know that by now."
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"Might be simpler if it was." If he knew how to make this right so easily. "Whatever it takes, though..."
This is his fault, one way or another. And whatever he has to do to make Jim smile again, he will. He'll keep himself turned towards his husband until he drifts into a sedative-aided sleep.
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"Just rest, for now. You need your strength." Of that Jim's absolutely certain. Whatever else they need to do to make things alright again they can worry about it after Felix has recovered.
He stays right next to Felix.
"...I'm not...going anywhere." It's a promise. When Jim dozes off it'll be in that chair by Felix's side.
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By the time Felix is sorted out and back in bed he's getting administered more painkillers and some replicator soup for his growling stomach. Neither he nor Jim are liable to have a serious talk in the middle of sickbay- nor does either man really have their thoughts together enough yet - so for a while they just bow to the routine of the medical staff. Jim checks his messages, returns Felix's tentative conversation, checks on how he's feeling yet when he wakes from dozing off again.
Eventually, though, the captain does have to go see to his own needs - including getting himself a replicated meal. Bones left very strict instructions. Felix is grateful for that care... even if it does leave him unable to nap again yet and stuck with nothing to do but think on the memories of his own stupidity the day before.
Stupidity. Desperation.
He still thinks he could have pulled it off.
Felix closes his eyes and sighs.
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He hates the sickbay but Leonard McCoy runs a tight ship. It's clean in here. And no one saw him slip in. Kav just wants to know---needs to know. That Felix is alright. He's not quite prepared for how bandaged up the other is. Felix knows those quiet swears all too well.
"....Did he have to go and get you?"
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"...No, I mean- I made it back most of the way. He found me in our house, after... you talked to him. He got me back here." Felix hesitates, searching Norn's face. "He said you didn't reply to the message. I would have sent it myself except..." Well. The obvious. He glances downward.
"That, and... you deserve an apology in person."
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It's good that the captain hadn't had to go...wherever it was Felix ran off to by himself. By Jim's reaction alone Norn knows full well that Felix hadn't been honest about how dangerous a place it was. All those bandages are only confirming that.
"...Wasn't really room to be honest knowing he was the one reading your messages. He's already mad enough with me for keeping your secret." The lieutenant shifts where he's standing. "Which...I can't exactly blame him for, looking at you now."
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Kav shakes his head.
"...Did you even get back what you were looking for?"
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"...He shouldn't be mad at you, you know. I don't think he is. If it wasn't for you telling him... I wouldn't be in this good shape right now. I'm grateful. And... I'm sorry for worrying you."
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A waste of time. Probably also bad for mending things later.
"...I'm just...now what're you going to do? Now it's worse for everyone. And I'm worried about what you're going to do to try and fix That."
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"I don't know. I'll figure something out-" Worse for everyone. Kav doesn't know the half of it. There's an angry immortal warrior spirit roving around out there just waiting to happen to some unsuspecting hunter or pilgrim.
"But Jim and my brother know now, and they're going to have their own ideas about what to do."
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They've all had quite the scare.
"....Felix." That's not reassuring anymore. Not when he said that the last time and is now concussed and bandaged up in medical. And he doesn't even know how bad things are. At least the people who do have an idea of what dangers Felix is facing are in the know, even if it's probably reopened some old wounds. They'll make sure Felix is alright. Of that the Andorian has no doubt of.
"Guess that's it, then." He's lost his chance to do things his way. Kav can't say he's sorry for that looking at Felix right now.
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"It's so unfair. I wanted to handle this without hurting them again. But one look at your faces and I know I already have."
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But of course he is. Felix went out of his way to try and play the big damn hero for once and look where its gotten him. He doesn't need to be told to grow up, to face what he's done. Felix knows that very well.
"...If it had worked though, you'd have saved them a lot of heartache. I get it. It's why I agreed to help you in the first place." Kav sighs softly. "It would have been very much like some of the stunts the captain's managed to pull off. But you've found the other thing Kirk is good at doing. Getting himself beat up on someone else's behalf."
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"...And I'm not Jim." What was it he complained of to people in the Nexus? You're always the one who has to pick up the pieces? Well, turns out he doesn't like it from this side, either. He should have just taken the advice he got and left Mathieu out to dry.
"I will make this up to you. As soon as I can." Jim rejected the idea but Felix doesn't care. He doesn't know what else he can try to do.
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He's no good at that kind of thing.
"....We'll get this fixed, and then you can worry about making it up to me."
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"...Sure. I'm sure that won't be long." He angles a tired smile at his friend. "And... thanks, for coming down here."
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Or the injured in Felix's case.
"I had to be sure you were alright." He's tilting his head toward the exit though. "I should...let you rest for now."