conjuredskies: (What?)
Felix Caelus ([personal profile] conjuredskies) wrote2020-08-05 12:19 am
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Playing With Shadows II, for [personal profile] smartass_captain

The darkness flows around him, a river of shadow beneath a moonless night. His hands are in agony and there’s a dull thudding pain in his skull, but he’s safe. For now. At least until Jim finds out what he’s done.

Which… is fuck up a ritual in their most hated place and let loose a powerful, bloodthirsty daedric warrior.

Felix utters all the Andorian words Norn’s taught him not to say.

“Are you just going to sit there, featherless? Don’t you know how to walk?” There’s a familiar harshness to the voice; Felix isn’t surprised to lift his head and see the crow sitting in a stunted tree close by. Though in his defence, he thinks, it’s a black bird sitting in a black tree in the realm of eternal night. It doesn’t exactly grab the eye.

“You’re… the Knave of Rooks, aren’t you?” The smallest of the Blackfeather Court, and one of the lowest-ranking, from his observations.

“Correct, mortal!” The bird puffs and preens. “Prince Nocturnal commanded that I should guide you through her glorious realm of Evergloam, in fulfilment of your contract!”

"You? So then..." She didn't set one of her phantom Nightingales to handle this errand. Even a former mortal must outrank the bird. But Felix bites his tongue hard on that. Not the time to start offending his guide with such observations, even if he's inadvertently learning something. 

The Knave cocks his head at Felix, the glint of his eyes a violet spark in the gloom. “Well? Speak! Where is it you need to go?”

“Uh-“ To the Enterprise, scream the white-hot nerves in his hands, the ache of his skull and ribs. To the ship and Dr. McCoy and all his wonderful shiny machines for making the pain go right the hell away.

Then he considers the look on Jim’s face when Bones immediately reports this, and winces. Anyway, there’s precious few shadows to fall out of on the Enterprise. He’d be as well going to their quarters and then he might give Jim a nasty surprise to his face.

“Iowa. My home on Earth.” He doesn’t know if that means much to the crow, but maybe that doesn’t matter.

“Very well. Follow! Hurry up!” The crow flaps off, leaving the mage to stumble after him, up the bank of the dark river and through a sparse wood Felix has glimpsed before. He finds his sight starting to adjust to the shadows as he picks his way over rocks and roots, trying to stick to what path there is. The bird calls to him again each time he drops behind, harsh and grating and peppered with commentary Felix can’t concentrate enough to be annoyed by.

The pain in his hands ebbs and throbs in turns. Eventually he musters himself to speak again, just to distract himself.

“Hey… Knave? You’re a servant of Nocturnal. A… a wise noble of this realm. Can you tell me… why the hood I wear didn’t protect my mind, from… from the foul place I delved into?”

The compliments seem to do the trick: the bird stops to preen instead of complaining about the question. He seems to hesitate, though. Felix nearly flinches when he flies down to the conjurer’s shoulder, leans over to tug the hood with his beak.

“The boon of Nocturnal? Her Gift of Merciful Shadow?" His voice is even harsher delivered straight into Felix's ear. "It softens the bitter edges of the light, veils the bones too sharp for mortal minds to bear.”

“Yes- I know that, but then why didn’t it work?” It didn’t stop Rielle from getting to him. Reminding him…

“How should I know, featherless? It makes things seem no more than the lies they tell, yes? Maybe you are a bad liar!” The Knave scoffs and flaps loudly away into the darkness.

A bad liar? That doesn't even make... Felix nearly laughs until the shooting pain in his ribs makes it a whimper. He doesn't have energy to waste on ruining what little dignity he has left; he shuts up and follows until the Knave circles a pool of shadow, cawing pointedly. The conjurer steps into it- and lands on the rug in a darkened living room.





He doesn’t dare look at his hands until he’s running them under cold water. The burns left by the backlash of the spell are… bad, the skin bubbled and raw. Conjurer’s burn is an occupational hazard but he’s never been so stupid as to let himself fail at a summoning this badly. Never felt the results like this.

He’s infinitely lucky not to be dead, of course. He knows that down to his bones. Lucky to be here - he couldn’t have worked a PINpoint like this.

The burns are nothing he couldn’t heal… if he only had the use of his hands. Felix allows himself to groan and swear with the pain- and the anger at himself. The house is empty, nobody cares. He does have a stash of potions, though the way his body complains he doubts he’ll have anything strong enough to fully tackle what he’s done to himself. He goes for the best one- the emergency elixir stashed in a cupboard, gingerly maneuvering it down to the counter with his seared hands. Hugging it in the crook of his elbow as he painfully gets the stopper off.

When he lifts the hefty bottle to drink- he tips his head back, there’s a moment of nauseating dizziness - it slips out of his fumbling hands, spilling across the counter as it bounces-

-rolls-

-hits the floor and smashes.

Felix stares at the ghastly mess over the tiles. At the ghastly mess of his hands. For some reason all he can think despite the despair and the burning pain is What am I going to tell Jim?

And oddly, that’s when something clicks. He understands, quite suddenly. Not knowing whether to laugh or cry, Felix starts to do both. A painful, racking, sobbing laugh as he slumps against the counter and lets himself just… surrender for a minute.

What are you going to tell him? Idiot. You don’t even know what to tell yourself.



betashiftblues: (Captain no)

[personal profile] betashiftblues 2020-08-18 09:20 pm (UTC)(link)
Looking the way Felix does now, there's no way he's going to be able to talk any two responsible men, let alone those two, into letting him try anything else without at least their direct supervision. Which isn't what Felix wants to hear. He probably knows it better even than Kav does. He's acting like a spoiled--

But of course he is. Felix went out of his way to try and play the big damn hero for once and look where its gotten him. He doesn't need to be told to grow up, to face what he's done. Felix knows that very well.

"...If it had worked though, you'd have saved them a lot of heartache. I get it. It's why I agreed to help you in the first place." Kav sighs softly. "It would have been very much like some of the stunts the captain's managed to pull off. But you've found the other thing Kirk is good at doing. Getting himself beat up on someone else's behalf."
betashiftblues: (Not so sure about this)

[personal profile] betashiftblues 2020-08-19 06:55 pm (UTC)(link)
Kav expects he's going to get a lot of the riot act read to him by his brother and possibly Jim if the doctor doesn't get to it first. It seems pointless to take his anger out on Felix now. It makes for a frustrating sense of helplessness on the one hand but on the other Kav is glad he's spared from needing to fight about this.

He's no good at that kind of thing.

"....We'll get this fixed, and then you can worry about making it up to me."
smartass_captain: (I don't believe this)

Re: Much, much later in the day...

[personal profile] smartass_captain 2020-08-19 07:04 pm (UTC)(link)
There's only so much Bones can handle Jim pacing around the sickbay. He's a terrible enough patient when he's not all that able to move. Having him worried and frustrated and mobile is so very much worse. Letting Felix off back to their quarters at least means being well out of spill zone whenever that emotional thunderstorm comes to a head. Felix will need to head back down twice a day to get his dressings seen to for the next few days.

Everything else can be handled with ample amounts of rest. Which, after a very long day spent fussing over Felix is something Jim needs as well. Unluckily for everyone, he's still upset about how Felix got hurt in the first place and much too used to pushing himself when he needs to sit down for a while.

Jim's gotten Felix propped up with a bunch of pillows on their bed in their quarters and has disappeared from the man's side to get himself a replicated coffee. He'd have gone for one of the minor stamina potions as well if he didn't know it'd earn him an earful from Felix. Jim doesn't see the problem, personally. That's what they're for.

"Just getting a coffee." The captain confirms it by holding the mug aloft for Felix to see once he's fetched it. "....You want some tea or anything?"
smartass_captain: (Getting Hands Dirty)

[personal profile] smartass_captain 2020-08-20 01:08 am (UTC)(link)
"No, but I like it." Needs it to function, more like. The tension headache sitting between his eyes is a constant companion after a day spent worrying over Felix. Answering difficult messages form Stratos. They still don't know much of anything yet. No doubt Felix is hoping Jim will be so worried about Felix's recovery he forgets about how the man ended up like this to begin with.

"I'll get it now." Just half a cup for starters. It's easier for Jim to help Felix drink from a cup when it's not so full. They might have found this out the hard way already. Jim's not taking the risk with a hot beverage. Not when Felix is already burned.

When he comes back Jim's going to set both mugs down on the side table nearest Felix's side of the bed. There's no room to pull up a chair so he'll have to settle on the side of the bed next to Felix.

"It's not scalding hot but..." His gaze strays to Felix's bandages. Jim scowls. "Maybe we should wait a few minutes."
betashiftblues: (Not so sure about this)

[personal profile] betashiftblues 2020-08-20 01:17 am (UTC)(link)
It's apt to get Felix avoided for the time being, though with him being stuck in sickbay or his own quarters for the near future it's likely not going to be something easy to notice. Kav sighs. Takes a half-step away from the bed. Now that he's seen for himself that Felix isn't lying broken and dying down here he'd very much like to leave sickbay to the sick.

Or the injured in Felix's case.

"I had to be sure you were alright." He's tilting his head toward the exit though. "I should...let you rest for now."
smartass_captain: (The penny drops)

[personal profile] smartass_captain 2020-08-20 04:02 pm (UTC)(link)
"Fair enough I suppose." Jim will drink room temperature coffee he's forgotten about that's been sitting for hours but it's much less enjoyable than fresh. Replicated coffee is even worse for this.

Still. He's going to be careful when he moves Felix's mug over to help his husband get a drink. His expression always softens when he's doing this but there haven't been a whole lot of smiles on Jim's part since Felix got brought back to the ship.

"Easy. I've got it...."
smartass_captain: (Lost in Thought)

[personal profile] smartass_captain 2020-08-20 11:43 pm (UTC)(link)
"As good as the replicated stuff gets." It's an herbal spiced tea that Spock recommended to him and one Jim's passed on to Felix. One of the few teas Jim's gotten a taste for out of the options available to them from the replicator. When Felix is done drinking Jim pulls the mug away to set back on the bedside table before fetching his own to drink deeply from.

Felix is watching carefully, so he'll catch the way Jim clenches his teeth before he hides behind his mug. He's not drinking now, just buying himself a few precious seconds to think before he opens his mouth and says the first thing that comes to mind.

"...Oh, really?"
smartass_captain: (Disbelief)

[personal profile] smartass_captain 2020-08-21 12:18 am (UTC)(link)
"Fucking..." It's barely more than a whisper while Jim rolls his eyes. "Thanks to me? Felix I still don't know what's going on. I can Guess at quite a bit and I'm not sure which part of it is more goddamn upsetting. How long are you going to keep pretending that I'm an idiot?"

Really, it's Jim's own fault in a few ways. If he's right and Felix did go back to that hellish place on his own it was surely because he didn't want Jim or Stratos to be forced into going. It's only making his chest ache all the more.
smartass_captain: (Chin Propped in Hand)

[personal profile] smartass_captain 2020-08-21 01:07 am (UTC)(link)
"He told me you were in trouble with a friend. That you lost something that didn't belong to you and that you couldn't ask me or your brother for help because it would be 'upsetting' for us. That was literally it."

There's very few places that could have that kind of history for Jim and Stratos. Even less in Cyrodiil proper. Felix didn't get to see them get nearly eaten in the marshes after all.

"Of course I was going to assume it was--" Jim swallows roughly and shakes his head. "You were in so much pain when I found you..."
smartass_captain: (Looking down)

[personal profile] smartass_captain 2020-08-21 02:15 pm (UTC)(link)
Jim grits his teeth and shakes his head to hear Felix confirm it. Again, it's happening again it's the same song and dance with them.

"You lied to me again. Snuck off and...I could have helped! You didn't even call me for help, you didn't even get what you were looking for and...." He's biting back the hurtful things he wants to throw. Jim wants to start a fight wants to shout because it will be better than the sick ache he feels in his chest. instead.

But Felix can't fight back like this. Felix is hurt because of Jim.

"And now we have to go back again." He doesn't know the half of it.
smartass_captain: (Pissed)

[personal profile] smartass_captain 2020-08-21 04:48 pm (UTC)(link)
"As if you haven't?!" It takes every ounce of Jim's self control not to pull away from Felix. To get up and loom over his bedridden partner. This isn't captain Kirk addressing his crew for being out of line. But that would be easier, because Jim doesn't behave as professionally as the man who's in charge. At least he never used to. Before Felix he was a much different man.

"Felix you could have been killed and none of us would have even known where to look. I GET that you were trying to protect me. Protect us, even. But you can't handle this alone!"
smartass_captain: (Annoyed Eyebrows)

[personal profile] smartass_captain 2020-08-21 10:47 pm (UTC)(link)
Felix no longer needs to guess at the swears Jim's rattling off when he mentions having a way to conjure himself out of his problems. In part because he's got access to his own universal translator now thanks to getting in with Starfleet and partly because he's heard those words many times before.

"What's it going to take, Felix? What. Do. I have to do. To get you to stop hiding this shit from me? To understand that I trust and respect your expertise as a goddamned mage?" There's tears in Jim's eyes but he's too busy shaking his head.

"How many times are we going to repeat this? How fucking open and honest and upfront with you do I have to be before it gets returned in any capacity? Sure I wouldn't have liked the thought of going back to Rielle but we could have had a plan. Sent you in with some gear that might have given you an edge. Something. Anything."

How many more times are they going to do this before Felix doesn't make it back? Before he pays a price behind Jim's back that he can't save the mage from?

"How many away missions have I sat out because you took ill to the idea of me going? Why is it always..." He has to stop. Jim's going to start shouting otherwise and he doesn't think that's going to help anyone. It's not fair and Felix knows it. But the damage is already done. Jim can't change that this has happened, all he can do is try to help fix it.

Again.
smartass_captain: (This isn't good)

[personal profile] smartass_captain 2020-08-22 01:21 am (UTC)(link)
Felix has seen Jim lose his temper before. But the crash of turbulent emotions doesn't come. Jim swallows down the bile filled words he wants to hurl while he paces their quarters. It's taking everything he has not to turn mean instead, to hurt Felix as deeply as he can with his words. Anything that might lead to an actual fight.

Bruises Jim can handle. Hell, a broken bone can be mended. This? This awful ache and knifing pain in his chest and stomach? This is not the kind of pain Jim has ever been good at handling. Felix is hurt and moreover he has never once actually taken the bait when Jim has tried to goad him into a fight before. The last thing Jim wants to do is see his husband's face twist in agony. Especially not when he's the cause.

Which leaves Jim near bursting with anger he has no outlet for. Hurt he doesn't want to give a voice to.

"Then what the fuck did we even swear vows for...?" When Jim turns round to look back at their bed his face is tight with held back emotion.

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