Felix Caelus

Jim sees Felix begin to break and he knows it's too late. Too far. Poison is in Felix's veins as sure as it is in Jim's and his heart aches even as the captain clenches his jaw and holds his ground. He'd been holding back from speaking up too much to stop Felix from ending up here but it's no use in the end.

They both have dark places just waiting to swallow them up inside.

"You thought about me and Tarsus when you made up your mind, didn't you?" It's not an accusation this time. Jim has to will himself not to shake or lose the food he's eaten in the nausea that surfaces thinking about it. Speaking about it aloud. "You think about it all the time, whenever I'm hurting. You' can't not because you worry about me. Because you love me. Because you know and you can't un-know."

Jim reaches out with one hand and rather than grabbing Felix he gently places that hand on his husband's shoulder and steadies him instead.

"That's how I think about Rielle. And I know that's where you're going right now. I tried not to...I don't want you to relive trauma. That's not what I'm asking. But what you do now--it's not the same. It can't be the same because you still do it. You enjoy it. It's what you used to do Before that."

However close conjuration and necromancy are Jim knows they're not the same thing and he knows better than to assume Felix is heading that way again. Not after everything. The scar on his shoulder. The streak in his hair. No, Felix regrets that. Jim's certain of it.

His normal rituals are different. The how may be similar but the why and to what end matter just as much.

"I don't want to be a parent to you Felix. I want to be your goddamned husband. Supportive. A...hell. A confidant."