In From the Cold (for smartass_captain)

[conjuredskies]

 He might remember small things, after. Little flashes of near-consciousness.

The fall forward onto the table, all his joints locking at once. Shouting. Ice pressing around him. Voices over him. Slung over a rock and the cold of it radiates through him down to the bone. Furs wrapping him tight. There’s a long, long march where he sways on someone’s shoulder, the wind battering his face. More voices.

Then darkness. So much darkness pressing around him…

When he wakes it might take a few minutes to comprehend what’s going on. He’s warm. He’s comfortable. The noise of the café has vanished. The wind outside has gone silent. There’s just the minute hum of electricity and life-support systems around him… and a rumble from the ginger fuzzball purring atop his chest.

The faint reverberation of engines sinks in.

He’s in his quarters. He’s on the Enterprise.

Comments

[smartass_captain]

"It's a start."

Jim can't say it's fine. He can't not ask anymore, can't let Felix run off on his own into the dark without at least following in after him. He's seen where Felix can be driven to when he feels helpless, desperate to make a difference. It's dangerous to follow the conjurer into those shadows but Felix has done the same for Jim.

And maybe neither one of them will like it when the other does. Jim's still angry about being taken away from the Nexus while others are still there cold and hungry--

And Dying, the whispers remind him. Logically Jim knows if Felix hadn't taken him away he might have honestly killed himself and yet he can't help the spike of anger that flares through him every time. But they don't have to like it.

They just need to respect that they're no longer living solely for themselves anymore. And this? Is more than Jim's ever gotten out of Felix before.

"It's hard, I know. It's hard for me, too."

[conjuredskies]

"...If I show you. More. I can't promise you'll like what you see."

Jim's already seen so much the Imperial never wanted him to. Bad enough for Felix, always so bent on being liked and wanted, but infinitely worse because it's Jim and what he thinks of Felix matters. He'll spite his brother and shrug off others' disapproval but Jim... is completely different.

[smartass_captain]

"I don't have to like it."

But if it risks Felix's life and soul Jim will be there to stop it. Whether Felix likes it or not. Seems only fair considering the mage is already taking that mindset up when it comes to Jim's decisions.

"I just want us to be on equal footing."

[conjuredskies]

"Even if... you don't like me so much, afterwards?"

After everything they've been through, everything Jim's already seen and forgiven, it almost seems foolish to ask. But Felix can't help wondering just how much Jim will keep forgiving in him, after the mistakes he's already made."

[smartass_captain]

"Wait, what?"

How in the hell did Felix make that leap in logic? It's true that after Rielle Jim won't just sit back and watch quite as passively as he used to but where in there did Jim ever say he didn't like Felix?

"You idiot, I'm marrying you. Why would I even consider that if I thought for a second that I'd like you any less? I've seen you at your worst. I can handle you."

[conjuredskies]

Oh.

He's so emphatic. He makes it sound downright obvious, and Felix finds himself believing it despite all the doubts eating at his heart. He shifts around so he can look at Jim properly, curled up against him on the couch, affection and surprise written over his face.

"It's... a lot to forgive. Some people might sour on a fellow, seeing that kind of thing." He leans over to kiss Jim gently. Murmurs, "But if you're going to insist on having faith in me..."

[smartass_captain]

It's love and it's arrogance. Jim Kirk has plenty of both to go around. How exactly would he handle Felix if he were really to use his vast knowledge of the arcane against Jim? A fully charged phaser hadn't stopped Felix for long back then. There are other ways, obviously, but very few Jim would actually take until things were too late.

He's so much more fragile a man than he pretends to be. Soft.

Aware of everything he's lacking and insisting things will be fine all the same. Because he does have faith in Felix Caelus. Even now. Especially now. Even when he doesn't like what the other's done for him.

"I'm not most people." Jim's really not sure if that's a good or a bad thing some days. "I can't promise we won't fight. I'm. I'm still me no matter how much I try to be more...responsible. Mature. I'm still going to put my foot in my mouth when I'm pissed off and I'm still going to fight. But I won't leave you."

He's been left behind too many times. Enough to swear a rule by. One he's praying to every god in Felix's world is broken now. His throat is tight with emotion when he breathes his words against Felix's lips.

"And I won't let you leave me without a fight."

[conjuredskies]

"Good." Felix's mouth is warm against his, the conjurer's hand sneaking up to cup the back of Jim's neck as he leans into the kiss. It's all he can ask from the man he loves. That Jim won't abandon him, no matter what.

As for whether Felix can live up to the honesty Jim's asking for? Whether he can face Jim's reactions to the things he does share? That will remain to be seen.