Playing With Shadows II, for smartass_captain

[conjuredskies]

The darkness flows around him, a river of shadow beneath a moonless night. His hands are in agony and there’s a dull thudding pain in his skull, but he’s safe. For now. At least until Jim finds out what he’s done.

Which… is fuck up a ritual in their most hated place and let loose a powerful, bloodthirsty daedric warrior.

Felix utters all the Andorian words Norn’s taught him not to say.

“Are you just going to sit there, featherless? Don’t you know how to walk?” There’s a familiar harshness to the voice; Felix isn’t surprised to lift his head and see the crow sitting in a stunted tree close by. Though in his defence, he thinks, it’s a black bird sitting in a black tree in the realm of eternal night. It doesn’t exactly grab the eye.

“You’re… the Knave of Rooks, aren’t you?” The smallest of the Blackfeather Court, and one of the lowest-ranking, from his observations.

“Correct, mortal!” The bird puffs and preens. “Prince Nocturnal commanded that I should guide you through her glorious realm of Evergloam, in fulfilment of your contract!”

"You? So then..." She didn't set one of her phantom Nightingales to handle this errand. Even a former mortal must outrank the bird. But Felix bites his tongue hard on that. Not the time to start offending his guide with such observations, even if he's inadvertently learning something. 

The Knave cocks his head at Felix, the glint of his eyes a violet spark in the gloom. “Well? Speak! Where is it you need to go?”

“Uh-“ To the Enterprise, scream the white-hot nerves in his hands, the ache of his skull and ribs. To the ship and Dr. McCoy and all his wonderful shiny machines for making the pain go right the hell away.

Then he considers the look on Jim’s face when Bones immediately reports this, and winces. Anyway, there’s precious few shadows to fall out of on the Enterprise. He’d be as well going to their quarters and then he might give Jim a nasty surprise to his face.

“Iowa. My home on Earth.” He doesn’t know if that means much to the crow, but maybe that doesn’t matter.

“Very well. Follow! Hurry up!” The crow flaps off, leaving the mage to stumble after him, up the bank of the dark river and through a sparse wood Felix has glimpsed before. He finds his sight starting to adjust to the shadows as he picks his way over rocks and roots, trying to stick to what path there is. The bird calls to him again each time he drops behind, harsh and grating and peppered with commentary Felix can’t concentrate enough to be annoyed by.

The pain in his hands ebbs and throbs in turns. Eventually he musters himself to speak again, just to distract himself.

“Hey… Knave? You’re a servant of Nocturnal. A… a wise noble of this realm. Can you tell me… why the hood I wear didn’t protect my mind, from… from the foul place I delved into?”

The compliments seem to do the trick: the bird stops to preen instead of complaining about the question. He seems to hesitate, though. Felix nearly flinches when he flies down to the conjurer’s shoulder, leans over to tug the hood with his beak.

“The boon of Nocturnal? Her Gift of Merciful Shadow?" His voice is even harsher delivered straight into Felix's ear. "It softens the bitter edges of the light, veils the bones too sharp for mortal minds to bear.”

“Yes- I know that, but then why didn’t it work?” It didn’t stop Rielle from getting to him. Reminding him…

“How should I know, featherless? It makes things seem no more than the lies they tell, yes? Maybe you are a bad liar!” The Knave scoffs and flaps loudly away into the darkness.

A bad liar? That doesn't even make... Felix nearly laughs until the shooting pain in his ribs makes it a whimper. He doesn't have energy to waste on ruining what little dignity he has left; he shuts up and follows until the Knave circles a pool of shadow, cawing pointedly. The conjurer steps into it- and lands on the rug in a darkened living room.

---

He doesn’t dare look at his hands until he’s running them under cold water. The burns left by the backlash of the spell are… bad, the skin bubbled and raw. Conjurer’s burn is an occupational hazard but he’s never been so stupid as to let himself fail at a summoning this badly. Never felt the results like this.

He’s infinitely lucky not to be dead, of course. He knows that down to his bones. Lucky to be here - he couldn’t have worked a PINpoint like this.

The burns are nothing he couldn’t heal… if he only had the use of his hands. Felix allows himself to groan and swear with the pain- and the anger at himself. The house is empty, nobody cares. He does have a stash of potions, though the way his body complains he doubts he’ll have anything strong enough to fully tackle what he’s done to himself. He goes for the best one- the emergency elixir stashed in a cupboard, gingerly maneuvering it down to the counter with his seared hands. Hugging it in the crook of his elbow as he painfully gets the stopper off.

When he lifts the hefty bottle to drink- he tips his head back, there’s a moment of nauseating dizziness - it slips out of his fumbling hands, spilling across the counter as it bounces-

-rolls-

-hits the floor and smashes.

Felix stares at the ghastly mess over the tiles. At the ghastly mess of his hands. For some reason all he can think despite the despair and the burning pain is What am I going to tell Jim?

And oddly, that’s when something clicks. He understands, quite suddenly. Not knowing whether to laugh or cry, Felix starts to do both. A painful, racking, sobbing laugh as he slumps against the counter and lets himself just… surrender for a minute.

What are you going to tell him? Idiot. You don’t even know what to tell yourself.

Comments

[conjuredskies]

He looks away up at the ceiling as Jim speaks, too tired to deal with the implication that Terentius knows too. But his eyes drop back to Jim at the revelation of how close both of them came to following his trail after him. A soft sound of denial escapes his throat even before Jim makes it clear he knows where that trail led.

"...I'm sorry. I never... th' whole point was not to drag you back there."

"So you ran off there alone?" Stratos is trying not to be accusing, really, but the exasperation is hard to hide.

"I could do it fast, maybe. I had a plan..."

[smartass_captain]

Jim almost opens his mouth but he sighs instead. He's too tired to argue. His anger has dwindled on seeing his husband hurt and laid out here into a sick twisting in his guts.

"....I know." What more can he say right now? Jim doesn't know enough of the story to make a judgement on anything. His voice is heavy with emotion when he continues. "You're alright now. Bones will look after you and. A...after that we can get you to a healer in case you've damaged something inherent to your magic."

Thank the Divines thank Sanguine thank every god Felix worships that his husband is alright.

"Your uncle said we might not be able to treat all of it if it's magically inflicted."

[conjuredskies]

Felix said it had stopped hurting, but seeing the pain on Jim's face and the upset on his brother's brings the worst part of it back. He can't nod easily but he manages the tiniest bob of his chin to what Jim's saying.

"..Yeah... yeah, I'll be okay. I promise."

"I think any lingering magical effects will depend on the nature of the spell and the... creature he summoned." Stratos extends his hands over Felix, frowning as wisps of light play between them. "It may be that most of the damage is physical, but we should consult a restoration expert to be certain."

"'S fine. It wasn't a Prince. And I..." He sighs. "Called up an atronach after. M'magic's not broken."

[smartass_captain]

Jim won't get to linger there terribly long before he's being silently tugged back and away from the bedside. Leonard says nothing as he leads Jim back into his office for a moment, not until he's shut the door at least.

"What's he doing to my patient, Jim?" Leonard isn't going to argue much that Jim's brought Stratos here. He's a family man himself and knows most of the crew would be tripping over themselves to have the chance to see their loved ones in person when they're recovering for some familial comfort. "Setting aside he hasn't been cleared to be on the ship or gotten his goddamn shots like Felix has....what was all of that about magical effects? What got ahold of him, Jim?"

And again Jim wants to lash out for being taken away from Felix's side. His fatigue slams up against him and Leonard can see the exact moment Jim's carefully crafted veneer of control shatters apart.

"I don't fucking know what happened, Bones, and that's part of the problem, alright?!" Jim is bristling, his hands flexing at his sides as even the thought of pacing makes him dizzy with his exhaustion. His longest and closest friend brushes aside the snap with a sigh.

"You know more than I do."

"One of his spells...I think...reacted badly. S'what burned him. Stratos is making sure he's not screwed for spellcasting going forward." Jim drags his hands through his hair and tries not to swear for how his fingers tremble.

"Put yourself back together, Jim. We can't leave them unsupervised. I need to take notes on what Stratos is doing with your husband right now." In case any of that voodoo is going to affect his treatment, god forbid. The doctor heads toward the door of his office before glancing back at Jim. He should probably pull a chair up next to Felix's bed before Jim passes out.

He leaves Jim to pick up the pieces of his demeanor before slipping back between the thin curtains they've pulled around the kid's bed. He touches Stratos' shoulder gently.

"What's with the light show?"

[auspex_caelo]

Stratos looks around in surprise at Jim's disappearance, though he's concentrating too much to break his focus. Felix manages a tiny wave at the doctor disappearing with his husband.

They're quiet for a moment or two, Felix pulling tiny faces at the unsettling feeling of having his life energies probed by Stratos's magic. The elder Caelus may be a trained battlemage but restoration magic isn't his speciality, though he has enough expertise to make this examination it's not very subtle. It feels uncomfortably like something poking around inside his skin.

"You know for all your faults, Felix, I never thought you'd have trouble asking for help when you needed it. Or that you'd risk your own skin for... for a point of honor?"

He's too tired to go through it all now. "It's important. B'lieve me. Anyway I told you, I'd a plan. Protection. I was bein' safe."

"And yet you hid it all from us."

"I thought... this time I could clean up my own mess."

Stratos falls quiet at that, and neither of them has much more to say before there's a touch on his shoulder. It's his turn to grimace a little sheepishly, though he nods courteously to the doctor when he lowers his hands and turns.

"I'm trying to discern whether the backlash of energy Felix suffered might have had some... less physical effects on him that we should know about."

"'S scanning me," Felix mumbles helpfully. He'd opened his mouth as if to complain but even if he had the energy to joke nobody's in the humor for it.

[smartass_captain]

Hopefully Felix is coherent enough to commit that tiny grimace of Stratos' to memory. It's not terribly often that the Elder Caelus brother gets caught with his metaphorical pants down. Dr. McCoy doesn't look amused but nor is he complaining about this and Felix knows well enough by now that it means he's not going to be putting up much in the way of a fuss over the matter.

Still. He'd like to know what's going on.

"I can give you a readout of his scans, if it'd help." Leonard crosses his arms while he looks Felix over. The painkillers seem to be doing their job though Felix is in no condition to be explaining himself right now even if everyone here would sorely like some answers.

"Stay over on this side for a second. I gotta drag a chair in here for the captain to collapse into before I gotta carry him over here." Jim looked to be about a minute away from a complete breakdown and at least here the doctor knows he'll actually Rest like he's supposed to instead of doing something stupid left to his own devices.

[auspex_caelo]

It might help that Stratos doesn't look like what he's doing is going to interfere with Leonard and Christine's work directly. Even if he wanted to, the tribune does know better than to mess with a healer on their own turf. Felix is... blissfully enjoying the reprieve from being scolded or questioned. The lights aren't as painfully bright here and it's a chance to let himself drift without thinking too hard about the conversations ahead.

"I'm not certain I'll be able to interpret them, or how what I'm looking for would appear to your instruments... but I would appreciate it, doctor." A little compromise, maybe, between their methods. "I'll stay out of your way, of course. Though if you do need help with him..."

[smartass_captain]

"I always need help where Jim's concerned." Leonard grumps but it's clearly not meant to be literal as he scoots a chair over from where it had been housed next to another bed now no longer in use. They're not the most comfortable but they've got some padding and are much less unforgiving than the boxy wooden chairs Stratos is used to seeing about back home on Nirn.

"Har har, Bones. Real damn funny." Jim's voice is so small now as he slips back in with the others to watch his friend move a chair over to Felix's bed. "What's that for? Stratos isn't staying that long."

"No, but you're going to and we both know it." The doctor glances between them all. Nods to where Stratos is standing. "I'll grab it." He's not forgotten about Felix there either. Not even close. "I'll bring you a glass of water, too." Just give him a second to go and do both of those things. Stratos will get the PADD handed to him but Felix is going to get the glass set down next to his bed. It's Jim who leans over and taps the screen to bring up the readings for Stratos.

"Second degree burns covering his hands, more minor ones on his nose and cheeks. Concussion, rib fractures---Christ. You really went through the wringer, Felix." Jim had been trying to impassively read off the more notable points for Stratos' benefit. He's wincing instead.

[conjuredskies]

Stratos is certainly frowning at the screen. Felix is less interested in the medical details since he's heard them listed off already and he knows half of them are treated already. He lifts a bandaged hand to wave vaguely at Leonard in thanks for the water. He's not willing to make the effort to sit further up and grab it just yet, but it's nice to know it's there. At this point it's been many hours since he thought to eat anything and his waterskin is abandoned in the ruins of Rielle.

What lightness had returned to his expression with Jim's reappearance fades away as he watches his husband wince.

"Hey... 's all right." He reaches out carefully, unable to really tug at the captain's sleeve but touching him all the same. "Didn't mess up my face."

It's a tiny, hopeful joke. Hopeful that this will make Jim smile even a little bit instead of getting more mad at him. Stratos gives him a look over the padd he's tentatively scrolling through.

[smartass_captain]

Jim doesn't quite pull away but his brow knits in worry to see Felix reaching out to him with his bandaged hands. He doesn't want to hurt Felix any more than he already must be. It's the absolute last thing he wants. Still, he's shocked into a little laugh more than goaded into it but it's something for Felix to take. Something to hold onto.

"Nothing Bones can't handle, right. And we'll let a healer see you once you're on your feet again."

He's just...he's been so worried about you.

"That over there's his vitals since I got him in." Leonard points out to Stratos. He's not bothering to give the others much response at this point, not with how stupid Jim is over his husband at the moment.

[conjuredskies]

It's okay Jim, the painkillers are working well. He's touching so gently, pulling a tiny smile at that laugh from Jim. See, he's not that bad. He's still here with you.

"Sure... whoever Stratos trusts. Bones patched up m'head already, ribs'll be all right... just gotta wait for m'hands to heal up."

Stratos nods, scrolling through the numbers and trying to check how they'd compare with his expectations. Where he lingers is on the neurological scan Leonard took while checking for nerve damage. That, he clearly recognizes, and the mage's eyes about light up when Leonard taps a button to make it play out the recorded nerve activity.

"This seems normal enough, given his injuries..."

[smartass_captain]

Leonard glances aside as Jim settles into the seat next to Felix's bed and picks up the glass of water to offer out to Felix. Jim might have to hold the straw steady so his husband can get hold of it but at least it'll give Felix a bit of a drink. Sitting down is only going to remind him how exhausted he is, Leonard reckons.

The doctor turns back at Stratos then.

"Enough to ease your worries until we get him upright again?"

[auspex_caelo]

Stratos is doing his best to glean everything he can from the information on the padd. Still, he nods when Leonard turns and catches his eye.

"Yes... of course. There doesn't seem to be anything more to be done. And I'm certain he's in good hands." He offers the pad back, eyes tracking to where Jim is helping Felix to sip his water. That, as much as the information, eases the tension from his shoulders. Felix is in good hands - those of his husband, and his friends.

As much as he wants to linger with Felix, he knows he's more like to get in the way and risk drawing questions if any other crew spot him. He hovers by the bedside for a little longer before he sighs.

"I... had best leave you to rest. But Felix- when you're in a better state-"

"We'll talk, I know." No escaping that, despite how his eyes have half closed. Stratos gives the smallest of smiles.

"Indeed." He looks between Jim and Bones then. "Stay in touch, Jim. I want to know how both of you are doing. And... thank you, doctor. It's good to know someone level-headed is keeping an eye on them."

He's not going to give Jim the chance to work up a retort before he PINpoints out.

[smartass_captain]

Listen, Leonard likes all of you fine but it's 0200 and it's going to be a long enough day already. Stratos needs his rest as much as anyone does and the doctor's well glad that he's not looking to linger with his magical medieval germs in the doctor's place of work. Plus, it'll get both Felix and Jim resting all the sooner which they sorely need.

They're going to have to work something out between Spock, Scotty, and maybe Sulu to make sure command's handled for the next day or so. Jim's going to need the time off and it'll be on the doctor's orders if Leonard has to arrange it as such.

But he does pull a slow smile Stratos' way before the elder Caelus brother takes off with his fancy PINpoint. Finally someone around here appreciates him properly as the voice of reason.

"You're welcome, of course." He nods at the exit before heaving a sigh at the other two.

"Alright, I'm gonna dim the lights over here a bit. You two try to get some rest. We'll see where you're at come Alpha and maybe get you moved to your quarters then, depending on how it's going. Jim, make sure you see me before you grab him anything from the replicator later."

He's absolutely going to linger and scowl until they both nod his way. Good, no excuses that way. Maybe now he can get a goddamned cup of coffee and see to his work.

[conjuredskies]

No excuses, doctor. Felix doesn't really have it in him to make any this once. He's settling back with a soft noise of relief to rest his head again. The dimmed lights are a relief, even if they bring back uncomfortable thoughts of other shadows, of the long evening creeping up on him.

He opens his eyes. It's just him and his husband now. He can see the lingering fright and upset beneath the facade Jim's tried to hard to keep up. As he always does. He's not the only one who must have been worrying, either.

"...Jim...? I need, uh... does Kav know I'm back?"

[smartass_captain]

Jim's the one who's usually the most trouble when it comes to excuses but he too is nearly leaden where he sits in the chair Bones has pulled over for him. He wanted to tell the doctor not to bother but sitting down does feel so goddamn well deserved right now. With the glass of water set aside on the table once more Jim's left hand rests gently on the bed next to Felix's right side.

Close enough to brush and for Felix to feel the heat from him but not resting anywhere it might cause him discomfort. That facade pulls a bit tighter back onto his face when Felix speaks his name. It has to Jim doesn't want to see Felix hurting any more tonight.

"Yeah? What do you...oh. I hadn't..." He doesn't have the lieutenant's contact information on his own device so it's with great reluctance (and a bit of strain from protesting limbs) that Jim gets to his feet again. "I'll grab your PINpoint. Just a second."

They're lucky and it's just in their quarters, as opposed to having been dropped in the kitchen in Iowa. Jim's only gone half a minute. He sets the PINpoint down next to Felix before he settles back into his seat.

"I'll message him for you."

[conjuredskies]

"Thanks..." He doesn't want to just repeat apologies but he is so very grateful to his shattered husband for getting up and fetching the PINpoint.

"I'd rather do it myself but..." A flop of a bandaged appendage. "I was supposed t'check in ages ago. He's... probably really worried. If he went to you." His friend is less fearful than his shy demeanor lets on, but he's still especially shy around his captain despite their point of commonality in Felix. Understandable, of course. It's not like the two of them socialize casually.

[smartass_captain]

"Really worried...how long were you supposed to be gone? There's seven missed messages on here form him and then mine."

Jim can't blame Felix for preferring to do the messaging himself. Even married there's a sense of privacy being uncomfortably brushed up against to look through someone else's private messages. Even if Jim set them to play out text to speech he'd hear it all if he didn't get up to leave again and he Really doesn't want to get up any more right now.

Kav and Jim have only ever interacted with each other professionally really, save for small moments when he's over visiting Felix when Jim gets off shift or during their wedding. So it's a bit startling to see how verbose Kav is over text. Also how unprofessional. But that's not exactly surprising, Jim's not professional at all off the clock around his friends.

His eyebrows creep right up his forehead until they're making a bid to escape into his hairline.

"He's....very worried yes. Also, pissed." Let him just text Kav first to let him know Felix is alright and getting treated now (also that Jim is the one messaging him), before he scrolls back up and starts reading them aloud.

"Beta shift starts in ten minutes, do you know when you'll be back?" Scroll. "I just checked the ship and you're not back yet. What's gone wrong?" Scroll, scroll. "You're going to owe me some of that goddamn Colovian Brandy by the time you get back if you've forgotten this...."

The best Jim can do to spare Felix's dignity is to not look at his husband in between reading these. Give him his time to wince without being observed. Time perhaps to understand how things progressed here while he was in Rielle. What moved Kav to pull Jim aside and breech Felix's trust to keep this between them and get the captian involved in the first place.

"....You told me you had this under control. That's the last of it."

[conjuredskies]

"Should've been a few hours..." He swallows hard, wondering just how upset his friend is even before Jim does him the courtesy of reading the messages out. Is it a courtesy? It must be, Jim isn't trying to punish him and... he has to know what they say. He should hear them. It's only fair.

Gods, though. Even in Jim's more even tone the mounting fear and anger creeping into Kav's messages come through loud and clear. He never really explained what his plan was to Kav. Didn't tell him what kind of dangers were entailed, no hint of what to envisage. As far as Kav must have been concerned... any kind of horror might have befallen Felix, and he wasn't supposed to tell. Until he decided he had too.

Nor was he wrong. Felix groans softly, eyes half closed. He can't meet Jim's eyes.

"Fuck... I really do owe him that drink."

[smartass_captain]

"To begin with, maybe. I feel like I should give him a day off." Jim actually needs to search for the meaning of a couple of those more colorful phrases in Andorian and the picture they paint is not a happy man in the slightest. Kav's got nearly as colorful a vocabulary as Jim does, by the look of it and he never would have guessed.

"I messaged him already to tell him you were here. At least he won't have to worry any more."

[conjuredskies]

"Good... s'good. Take care of th'rest later." Felix sighs, half lifts a hand. He can't even fidget like this. "I've... never heard him get mad before."

Sigh. "Figure out... how t'make it up t'both of you."

[smartass_captain]

"Neither have I, before now. Must happen though. He's been with us a long time. ...And we've had some crazy trouble over the years." Jim's got no idea if the Andorian is particularly forgiving either but so long as it isn't going to cause trouble between his bridge crew and his husband Jim's hoping it'll sort out in time.

"....It's not...about making anything up to us, Felix. You have to...know that by now."

[conjuredskies]

"...It's not?" Maybe not. But... he shifts just enough to be able to keep his eyes on Jim as he lets them half close.

"Might be simpler if it was." If he knew how to make this right so easily. "Whatever it takes, though..."

This is his fault, one way or another. And whatever he has to do to make Jim smile again, he will. He'll keep himself turned towards his husband until he drifts into a sedative-aided sleep.

[smartass_captain]

Felix is here. Bones is treating him. He's going to be okay. They'll get him to a healer after, make sure his magic isn't damaged any. They'll get back on track and get this taken care of.

"Just rest, for now. You need your strength." Of that Jim's absolutely certain. Whatever else they need to do to make things alright again they can worry about it after Felix has recovered.

He stays right next to Felix.

"...I'm not...going anywhere." It's a promise. When Jim dozes off it'll be in that chair by Felix's side.

[conjuredskies]

Exhaustion and meds do their work on both men. Someone- probably Bones - has adjusted Jim's posture and got a pillow under him by the time he wakes again. Which happens because Felix is stirring, trying to sneak to the bathroom before the painkillers wear off any more. His yelp when he puts weight on one hand wakes Jim, and there's some groggy explanations; by the time Jim insists on helping his husband go a very tired Bones has appeared and he has views about his patient roaming around unsupervised, thank you.

By the time Felix is sorted out and back in bed he's getting administered more painkillers and some replicator soup for his growling stomach. Neither he nor Jim are liable to have a serious talk in the middle of sickbay- nor does either man really have their thoughts together enough yet - so for a while they just bow to the routine of the medical staff. Jim checks his messages, returns Felix's tentative conversation, checks on how he's feeling yet when he wakes from dozing off again.

Eventually, though, the captain does have to go see to his own needs - including getting himself a replicated meal. Bones left very strict instructions. Felix is grateful for that care... even if it does leave him unable to nap again yet and stuck with nothing to do but think on the memories of his own stupidity the day before.

Stupidity. Desperation.

He still thinks he could have pulled it off.

Felix closes his eyes and sighs.