Playing With Shadows II, for smartass_captain

[conjuredskies]

The darkness flows around him, a river of shadow beneath a moonless night. His hands are in agony and there’s a dull thudding pain in his skull, but he’s safe. For now. At least until Jim finds out what he’s done.

Which… is fuck up a ritual in their most hated place and let loose a powerful, bloodthirsty daedric warrior.

Felix utters all the Andorian words Norn’s taught him not to say.

“Are you just going to sit there, featherless? Don’t you know how to walk?” There’s a familiar harshness to the voice; Felix isn’t surprised to lift his head and see the crow sitting in a stunted tree close by. Though in his defence, he thinks, it’s a black bird sitting in a black tree in the realm of eternal night. It doesn’t exactly grab the eye.

“You’re… the Knave of Rooks, aren’t you?” The smallest of the Blackfeather Court, and one of the lowest-ranking, from his observations.

“Correct, mortal!” The bird puffs and preens. “Prince Nocturnal commanded that I should guide you through her glorious realm of Evergloam, in fulfilment of your contract!”

"You? So then..." She didn't set one of her phantom Nightingales to handle this errand. Even a former mortal must outrank the bird. But Felix bites his tongue hard on that. Not the time to start offending his guide with such observations, even if he's inadvertently learning something. 

The Knave cocks his head at Felix, the glint of his eyes a violet spark in the gloom. “Well? Speak! Where is it you need to go?”

“Uh-“ To the Enterprise, scream the white-hot nerves in his hands, the ache of his skull and ribs. To the ship and Dr. McCoy and all his wonderful shiny machines for making the pain go right the hell away.

Then he considers the look on Jim’s face when Bones immediately reports this, and winces. Anyway, there’s precious few shadows to fall out of on the Enterprise. He’d be as well going to their quarters and then he might give Jim a nasty surprise to his face.

“Iowa. My home on Earth.” He doesn’t know if that means much to the crow, but maybe that doesn’t matter.

“Very well. Follow! Hurry up!” The crow flaps off, leaving the mage to stumble after him, up the bank of the dark river and through a sparse wood Felix has glimpsed before. He finds his sight starting to adjust to the shadows as he picks his way over rocks and roots, trying to stick to what path there is. The bird calls to him again each time he drops behind, harsh and grating and peppered with commentary Felix can’t concentrate enough to be annoyed by.

The pain in his hands ebbs and throbs in turns. Eventually he musters himself to speak again, just to distract himself.

“Hey… Knave? You’re a servant of Nocturnal. A… a wise noble of this realm. Can you tell me… why the hood I wear didn’t protect my mind, from… from the foul place I delved into?”

The compliments seem to do the trick: the bird stops to preen instead of complaining about the question. He seems to hesitate, though. Felix nearly flinches when he flies down to the conjurer’s shoulder, leans over to tug the hood with his beak.

“The boon of Nocturnal? Her Gift of Merciful Shadow?" His voice is even harsher delivered straight into Felix's ear. "It softens the bitter edges of the light, veils the bones too sharp for mortal minds to bear.”

“Yes- I know that, but then why didn’t it work?” It didn’t stop Rielle from getting to him. Reminding him…

“How should I know, featherless? It makes things seem no more than the lies they tell, yes? Maybe you are a bad liar!” The Knave scoffs and flaps loudly away into the darkness.

A bad liar? That doesn't even make... Felix nearly laughs until the shooting pain in his ribs makes it a whimper. He doesn't have energy to waste on ruining what little dignity he has left; he shuts up and follows until the Knave circles a pool of shadow, cawing pointedly. The conjurer steps into it- and lands on the rug in a darkened living room.

---

He doesn’t dare look at his hands until he’s running them under cold water. The burns left by the backlash of the spell are… bad, the skin bubbled and raw. Conjurer’s burn is an occupational hazard but he’s never been so stupid as to let himself fail at a summoning this badly. Never felt the results like this.

He’s infinitely lucky not to be dead, of course. He knows that down to his bones. Lucky to be here - he couldn’t have worked a PINpoint like this.

The burns are nothing he couldn’t heal… if he only had the use of his hands. Felix allows himself to groan and swear with the pain- and the anger at himself. The house is empty, nobody cares. He does have a stash of potions, though the way his body complains he doubts he’ll have anything strong enough to fully tackle what he’s done to himself. He goes for the best one- the emergency elixir stashed in a cupboard, gingerly maneuvering it down to the counter with his seared hands. Hugging it in the crook of his elbow as he painfully gets the stopper off.

When he lifts the hefty bottle to drink- he tips his head back, there’s a moment of nauseating dizziness - it slips out of his fumbling hands, spilling across the counter as it bounces-

-rolls-

-hits the floor and smashes.

Felix stares at the ghastly mess over the tiles. At the ghastly mess of his hands. For some reason all he can think despite the despair and the burning pain is What am I going to tell Jim?

And oddly, that’s when something clicks. He understands, quite suddenly. Not knowing whether to laugh or cry, Felix starts to do both. A painful, racking, sobbing laugh as he slumps against the counter and lets himself just… surrender for a minute.

What are you going to tell him? Idiot. You don’t even know what to tell yourself.

Comments

[betashiftblues]

It'll be fine Kav, but if it makes you feel better I'll check in to let you know how it goes. I've got it all figured out...

Lieutenant Norn glances aside to make sure no one else is paying him any mind before he slips his PINpoint out from where he's tucked it away at his station to check for any new messages. The captain would be cross with him if he knew Kav had snuck this up onto the bridge. The Nexus and anything related to it is still considered classified save for a handful of Alpha crew who are closest to him. Norn's an exception to this owing to his accident with the Nexus and Felix's insistence on a companion.

Times like this Kav wonders if he should regret that friendship. Even owing to the time differences between this universe and Felix's home of Nirn every rough calculation Kav has made indicates that Felix is late in checking in. He'd kept a fairly steady routine of it until the start of his shift.

Now, hours later, there's still no sign of the mage. The lieutenant should know. He's searched the ship for Felix's life signs at the top of every hour since he started. No response. He hasn't simply PINpointed back aboard to his quarters and collapsed in bed due to fatigue. Hasn't flocked to the dining hall to gorge himself on replicated cornbread. He hasn't replied at all.

His voice is far too faint for anyone to hear the native swears he murmurs to himself.

What now?

He can call Felix, but if the man is in a delicate situation flashing that kind of technology would only make things so much worse. Kav has tried texting Felix to remind him to check in. The only thing left to do is the one thing he's hoped beyond everything he wouldn't have to. When Beta ends, Norn hangs back after he's let his relief take her spot at the comms terminal. He waits outside the bridge and taps Captain Kirk on the arm as he's passing by toward the turbolift.

"....A moment, sir. If I may."

Jim's smile is friendly and automatic, fatigued though it may be. He nods in accommodation for Kav. Slows his steps until they're walking together toward the lifts.

"Sure, Norn. Everything alright? You seem quieter than normal." Kav waits until they're alone in the turbolift. He lets out a long drawn out sigh before he starts to explain. Jim doesn't stay to hear the end of it. His range of expression flashes through a crumbling attempt to control himself almost immediately abandoned in favor of stepping into the Andorian's space and demanding what little information Kav has. It's not much, but Jim will know the picture those vague shapes of a story the lieutenant is painting better than anyone.

Kav's never seen a man's face so pale.

"We will discuss this later, Lieutenant." It's all the dismissal Jim gives before he's all but sprinting for his quarters. It leaves Lieutenant Norn standing against the far wall of the turbolift as the doors hiss quietly shut again. He's done all he could and it doesn't feel good.

But he'd rather Felix be cross with him and come back alright than not at all.

[smartass_captain]

Felix got into trouble with a guy who loaned him something. On the surface, that story really doesn't seem so bad does it? It sounds like something Felix would do. The man has two separate homes in this universe, another two on Nirn and more than likely some favorite haunts in the Nexus or elsewhere where he likes to do his research. Misplacing something and having to beg off to go and find it to return to a guy is absolutely the kind of socially awkward trouble Jim expects from his husband. He's not really even surprised Felix didn't tell him about it if it's this kind of embarrassing. Felix likes to look like he's charming and suave.

In control of a situation.

But that couldn't be everything, could it? Jim's yanking off his boots and throwing his clothes haphazardly around their quarters before he flings himself toward the closet. He has to dig out something a lot less modern than this. By now though, Jim's got options. Has light leather armor he can pull on over his tunic and trousers. Has experience enough not to need help cinching it tight and fastening everything until it sits properly.

He can't ask you or his brother for help because the place would be...inconvenient for you both.

Sounds innocent, doesn't it? Except there's only one place on the whole of Nirn that Both Jim Kirk and Stratos Caelus have been to that has caused them any kind of shared pain and trauma. His fingers shake when he texts Felix. Simple, short. Urgent.

Where are you?

Felix hasn't told Stratos which means calling him isn't going to go anywhere quickly other than Two of them staving off panic attacks while they flail about. He PINpoints into a dark room that smells of hearthsmoke, incense, and very faintly of bitter alchemy reagents. Their room in Felix's family home in Bruma. Nothing looks strewn about. After a few careful moments listening, Uncle Terentius doesn't sound like he's bothered in the least. Did Felix come through here at all?

Or does he have the coordinates for...Jim can't find that place alone by memory. He knows that. He sinks onto the edge of their bed and flicks through his PINpoint's stored locations.

[conjuredskies]

Stratos's camp. The house in Iowa. The mountain in Skyrim where Felix takes him hiking, once in a long while. The spot outside Medesgate where they start when visiting Marcella. The places across Tamriel where they visited looking for Aunt Lartia.

They didn't save co-ordinates for Rielle. None of them ever wanted to return.

There's a careful tread in the hall outside, a hummed tune as Terentius comes back down to the private rooms for something. It's dark out (and the few windows on this level are small anyway). The glimmer of lamplight from beneath the door catches the old soldier's eye. Though he tenses for a moment, he's starting to get used to his nephews - blood and otherwise - appearing in the house without warning. That's wizards for you, apparently. Still, they were much easier to keep track of before they got hold of teleporting devices.

He paces over and knocks on the door gently. Wise enough not to just walk into a married couple's room, even to scold them. "All right, who's there?"

[smartass_captain]

Jim's lost in a spiral of sick worry laced with anger. Despair threatens to knock but it will do him no good right now. Not when he needs to mount a search. Needs to call Stratos so they can head back to--

A knock at the door.

Jim swears but it's too late to plunge the room back into darkness by shutting off the PINpoint. He doesn't have time...but this might be for the better. The captain gets to his feet and pulls open the door before Terentius feels inclined to try and force it open (again, they've had to replace the hinges on this more than once already thanks to Felix Jim knows). It's just him though. Alone in this room dressed like he's expecting a fight. When was the last time he's slept?

"It's me. I'm sorry, I was just on my way out in a moment. I thought Felix might have come here."

[conjuredskies]

"Felix?" Terentius's face turns swiftly from good-natured cheer to one deep furrow of worry, mirroring what he reads in Jim's face. He comes further into the room, setting his lamp on Felix's old desk. "No, I haven't seen him. What's he got up to now?"

Something bad, by the physical armor. Not a fight with Jim, by the same token.

[smartass_captain]

"It's..." For a moment Felix's secrecy steals Jim's voice too. This was clearly important enough that Felix not tell anyone and Jim is his husband. He should be honoring this. But there's a time and a place for propriety and Jim's not likely to get the information he needs without giving Terentius some context.

"I wish I had more details but.." He shrugs almost helplessly. That's Felix for you. "He's in trouble. He owes someone something he borrowed and he's gone off to get it but hasn't come back." Jim remembers the smell of rot and sloughed off flesh beneath his fingernails. Fuck, he doesn't want to go back. He doesn't want to think about Rielle and what lies beneath the flagstones. His dreams are bad enough.

"...I need to know how to get to Rielle."

[conjuredskies]

Terentius isn't surprised, for a minute. This sounds exactly like Felix's brand of trouble, and while Jim surely has good reason to be worried, it probably isn't cause to panic. He's even opening his mouth to reassure the captain when Jim brings up that name.

Some of the color drains from Terentius's ruddy face.

"Are you sure about that? Felix wouldn't even speak of that place, I can't imagine him ever going there willingly..." Or maybe he just doesn't want it to be true. Doesn't want to believe that chapter of his nephew's life is lying open again.

Though the seed of fear is already planted. What if Felix is there? If there's even a chance it's true, could either of them risk doing nothing for even a moment?

[smartass_captain]

"He lied to me about where he was going to be today. He's seemed restless for weeks now, and I just assumed he was getting a bit pent up from being on the ship for so long." Jim doesn't even realize his hands are shaking until he tries to check his PINpoint again. Seeing it only sets his anger all the closer to the surface in a bid to drown out his panic and wrestle it into something he can control.

"Felix is a lot of things but proactive isn't usually one of them. If he could foist some of the trouble off on me or Stratos I can't imagine him not taking that option. Unless we couldn't know. Unless...I'd try to tell him not to." Or if he'd go in Felix's place? Is all of this His fault? Jim feels sick and dizzy. He needs to sit back down at the edge of the bed. It's more of a stumble.

"He's not answering my messages. I. That place isn't safe. If something's happened..." Jim swallows hard and tries to imagine he's addressing his crew. He has to be in control of himself. "We...might already be fighting the clock on this."

[conjuredskies]

The lines of the old legionnaire's face grow deeper by the moment. He moves closer to place his hands on Jim's shoulders, squeezing them firmly.

"Steady, lad. We'll find him, don't doubt it. You're right that we have to be sure he isn't there. But." A small, deliberate shake. "I won't send you there alone or unprepared. You already look like you've been standing watch three days straight. You've got your gear, now you need to go check your haunts and collect up any potions he's left stashed away. Even if you don't need them, he will. Then, if there's still no sign of him, you go get Stratos and bring him here. Do we have a plan?"

[smartass_captain]

Jim's gaze snaps to the cupboards where Felix would undoubtedly keep his stores but what little is here even Jim knows won't be what they need to treat an injured man. There is an empty leather satchel he spies that he can snatch up to store what he can find. The ship has a couple of things but they're all small. Minor brews (mostly made by Jim) that Felix uses while he's meditating or practicing aboard the ship. Anything major would have to be--

"The house. Our house on Earth. That's where all of his equipment's set up. The best potions we've got will be stored there." In all honesty Jim holds no hope to find Felix there if he wasn't on the ship. He's convinced his husband is below ground in a place they've all tried so very hard to put out of their minds for good.

"I'll fill up the satchel and call Stratos. We can meet back here. I shouldn't be gone longer than half an hour."

[conjuredskies]

Terentius nods, a little relieved just that Jim's taking the advice. The man's no fool but the kind of things playing through his mind right now- well, they'd be enough to cloud anyone's judgment.

"I'll gather up any other supplies that will help. Torches, for a start." He pats Jim's shoulder before he pulls away. "We know where to pick up the trail this time. We won't lose him again."

Wishful thinking, maybe- Terentius knows well there's a thousand bad places a conjurer like Felix could have disappeared off to. But they can't afford to let that thought take over. Rielle, at least, is a horror they can name and deal with.

[smartass_captain]

"R...right. I hadn't thought about that." Not when he has artifacts that emit light as well as a mage's spell on his person. Obviously he couldn't use those outside in this world though. Jim scrubs his hand down his face. Takes a deep breath and forces himself to hold it.

He's Captain James T. Kirk-Caelus and he's damn well going to get this done. Breaking down will just have to wait. Jim pushes himself up to his feet. Grits his teeth when a wave of nausea rolls over him. Calm and in command. Calm. In command. Over and over, he repeats the mantra until it passes. The satchel gets snapped up in a whisk of his arm as Jim digs out his PINpoint again.

"I'll be back soon." It's a promise. There's hardly a sound before Jim's vanished from sight.

---

There must be a dozen missed messages on Felix's PINpoint.

Nearly all of them are from Norn while Felix's introverted companion worried himself sick. Hours apart and growing in emotional distress to the point of the last message the Andorian sent that was almost entirely profanity ending with 'you told me you Had this under control'. Jim's is much more simple sitting atop that pile but they all linger unread. Even if Felix wanted to check the device right now he couldn't where he's sunk down onto the kitchen floor sobbing until he's starved of air.

Around him the house is nearly silent. The air stale where it's not completely overpowered by the smell of his potion spreading slowly across the counter and floor, dripping down to make tiny patters next to where Felix has crumpled.

Through hitched painful breaths he'll hear boots on the floors of the other room. Quick and with a purpose before turning almost panicked as Jim lurches through the dark living room and nearly cracks his head open stumbling over the coffee table. The smell, the sound--is that crying?

Jim wasn't prepared for this. If Felix is here why wouldn't he respond--Artifical light floods the kitchen as he slaps for the controls.

"Felix?! What the fuck...oh shit oh fuck come here what the fuck happened ohno no no no.."

[conjuredskies]

He has his head tipped back against the counter to keep it steady. Everything feels too heavy and movement occasionally makes his head swim with pain. In the back of his head is a whisper that he has to move sooner or later, that passing out here would be a really bad idea. That he needs to find a potion or hope someone will find him. Jim. It would only be Jim.

It's just a question of whether he's more willing to face this agony or the look on his husband's face.

The manic laughter has died out of his sobs, his gulped breaths slowing as the pain and exhaustion take over. That's when he hears the sound of boots and knows the choice has been made for him.

The light is sudden and far too bright. Felix flinches, squinting up at Jim's horrified expression. It turns out his heart can sink even further. The Imperial struggles to push himself up, not to look quite so pathetic, to reassure his beloved at least a little. Wipes at his face with an awkward sleeve.

"I'm sorry, I really am I'm so sorry..." He looks so frightened. So hurt. Because of Felix, again. "I thought- I thought I could do it safely, I swear-"

[smartass_captain]

Here Felix is, almost laying on their kitchen floor covered in burns and dirt streaking his reddened cheeks and the first thing out of his mouth is an apology to Jim. Is this how Bones or Felix feels whenever Jim comes back from one of his missions? Because there's not an atom in Jim's body that isn't panicking to see those injuries right now. He doesn't even register the potion spilled all over their floor once he's assured himself it is not--in fact-- Felix bleeding out. His heart is lodged somewhere in his trachea as it jackhammers hard enough he can feel it in his fingertips. The light reveals the truth about the situation. That Jim was making ready to go out just as Felix worried he would. To face that hell again.

There's a buzzing in Jim's ears and an unsteadiness to his steps as he drops down hard onto his knees at Felix's side. He needs to focus, needs to get them out of here, but for a moment all he can do is stare down at his husband in horror.

His voice is strangled when Jim tries to shush Felix. He's pulling the mage close to him by the shoulders while he grabs for his PINpoint.

"We need to get you to the ship. Come on, just breathe..." All Felix will feel is a bit of a jostle as suddenly there's nothing but Jim to lean his weight against as their kitchen disappears and the hum of the deck plates beneath the thin carpeting of their quarters returns. The PINpoint is tossed aside so Jim can grab for his comm instead. He's not leaving Felix's side to get to the terminal in their room. Felix will hear the chirp as the device connects before Leonard's grumble that 'this better be good' filters in but Jim's cutting him off.

"Bones, I need a stretcher in my quarters. Now."

[conjuredskies]

"Nnngh-" He can't cling, has to lean into Jim as best he can and this time it's not his injuries that make the world shift dizzyingly around him. The sight of Jim in his leathers has all the terrifying implications sinking in and he sobs with relief as much as pain that Jim is here, he didn't go he's not going I won't let him-

Bones doesn't sound like he's arguing at the urgent demand. Felix is, though. Even despite the relief of knowing smarter people than him have this under control, the pain is going to go away soon enough - gods, he desperately hopes so.

"Jim i... it's okay I c'n, I walked back here I just need t'... sit for a minute." Sit and try to stifle his undignified whimpers. Even if Jim didn't stop him he wouldn't get far before Leonard arrives, entirely and unwillingly awake to face whatever the hell is going on this time.

[smartass_captain]

Jim's clinging to him well enough with one arm, anchoring Felix against his chest with his left arm the entire time he's fussing with his comm in his right hand. Doing everything he can to keep Felix supported and upright as much as possible where they're settled on the floor of their quarters. It's only now that Jim's even thinking about the potions back at the house and how Felix was trying to tend to his own injuries with one as the doctor terminates the call and no doubt flings himself out of bed and back into his uniform posthaste.

"Felix, stop squirming--" Jim's going to have to toss the comm aside too so he can get both arms around the Imperial to stop him from pitching himself sideways onto the floor. "You can't hold or touch anything right now just let me help you." He can't carry the mage all the way down to sickbay without hurting Felix more and possibly dropping him which would only make things worse for them both.

It won't take Leonard long to key open the door with one of his crew in tow to assess the situation. His frown deepens to see Felix and Jim on the floor, but one glance at Jim's attire (and Felix's) makes him hold one hand to stop his assistant at the door. Leonard turns back to the other and instructs him to go fetch Nurse Chapel instead. Someone he trusts to keep their mouth shut about whatever is going on here.

When he turns back to glare down at them Jim shrugs before nodding to Bones. "Come on, help me get him moved."

Leonard shifts his medkit so it's less likely to be in the way before squatting down to help. He's larger than Jim is and knows better how to grab Felix without touching his injuries.

"How in the hell d'you even...Easy there, Felix. Don't even start arguin' with me, we're gonna have to get those clothes off ya before too many folk start asking questions. Jim just goddamn change before you come running down after us, will you?"

It takes Jim a minute to even understand but when he glances down at himself he sighs.

"Right. Give me a second--"

"Not waiting around. Chapel will be here in a second and we'll get him down. You just follow after us when you're decent."

[conjuredskies]

He's too tired to squirm for long when Jim insists on holding him steady. Eventually he slumps into his husband's arms and lets himself be supported. He's in no state to argue and part of him is honestly happy to sink into the relief of having someone here to help.

He's fuzzy on what's happening until Leonard is there, an extra pair of hands hauling him up despite his confused flailing (he's trying to help, really he is). Something something clothes... right. Right, he can't go around the ship in his leathers, though he can't really help with the unclasping and unbuckling there.

"...'Kay." A deep breath, unaware of how very pale his face is. Focus, he needs to be lucid for this part. "Sorry f'r... getting you out of bed, doctor."

There's less swearing from Leonard than he was expecting, but Felix is grateful for the doctor's brisk attitude. His calm makes this feel more manageable, though no less awkward as they try to get Felix changed. The Imperial tries to focus on listening to Leonard like he's told, moving to help with the undressing. He still has to bite his lip hard to choke down the whine when they clip against one of his hands by accident.

Felix has never been quite so grateful that shipboard dress is light and - in the case of the meditation clothes Jim tosses over to the bed - loose enough to get on without so much trouble. It would be embarrassing to be so helpless, if his dignity wasn't sliding rapidly to the bottom of his concerns right now. At least he'll be pretty much decent when Chapel knocks on the door.

His eyes are on Jim, though. Jim who's unbuckling his own leathers, Jim who definitely isn't going back there. He's not sure what to say but when he catches his husband's eye Felix tries to look reassuring.

[smartass_captain]

Leonard frowns even harder at Felix's not entirely cognizant slurring but doesn't bother verbally flogging Jim any more right now. Not when Felix looks to be about a second away from passing out and Jim's barely holding himself together. Finding out what happened is far less important than getting Felix down to Medical in the moment.

"S'my job, kid. Just relax for me best as you can." Felix thankfully isn't fighting him nearly as hard as Jim would be and in fact seems to be mostly on the same page where it comes to undressing and redressing. Willing to behave enough that when Christine is let in Felix is ready to go. Bones doesn't even need to give her an instruction in this case--one look at Felix has Christine's expression thinning into grim focus as she moves to help Leonard get Felix secured. She at least has enough control to smile sweetly when Felix whimpers again.

"We'll get that taken care of, just hold on."

It leaves Jim lingering in the bedroom having kicked aside all of their otherworldly clothing and so very helpless to do anything more for his husband but watch. Jim nods when Felix looks his way.

"I'll be right down."

Just as soon as he catches their uncle up on what's happened.

[conjuredskies]

Felix tries to nod shakily, though it's interrupted by his getting maneuvered onto a stretcher whether he likes it or no. He's not really clear when Christine administers whatever it is they use, but he does exhale with relief when he feels the pain start to bite less and less until there's a genuine, wonderful numbness washing over him. For a while there's not much to do but lie back and hold still and let them cart him off to sickbay where they can scan and prod (gently) as much as they need to. Sometimes a question gets directed his way but he's getting less and less helpful with that so mostly Leonard and Christine make their own inferences from their readings.

The burns are most obvious. Second-degree and almost covering his hands, extending irregularly up part of his arms as if he stuck them into a naked flame, though the precise nature of the damage looks more like a plasma burn. There's some on his face too, especially his cheeks and nose, but that's much milder, easy to overlook until they're inspecting him under the clear light of sickbay. Then, they're both already sure he's concussed even before they find the welt on the back of his head. Kid hit it pretty good, which tallies with the bruising Leonard saw down his back. Fits the pattern that suggests some kind of explosion threw him back.

The rib fractures... Leonard's not so sure about that. He's seen enough crew members get knocked around in explosions to recognize when it looks more like a local impact. Besides, he helped get that leather chest-piece off of Felix. It felt pretty bent and torn up around there, but he doesn't remember a lot of scorch marks.

These aren't thoughts he'll be spending time on, though. Nowhere near as important as making sure Felix's skull is intact (and that he's got all the brains he started with); checking no bits of rib have gone astray to cause more harm; helping Christine clean up the kid's hands so they can get the regeneration underway. There's some nerve damage there (maybe more than the burns would suggest) but nothing Leonard can't fix up. The kid is goddamned lucky he's not relying on his medieval homeworld's medical knowledge.

It's gonna be a while before Felix is completely patched back together and they can all try to get some rest again. But Leonard pretty quickly has him safely strapped down ensconced in sickbay, out of danger and no longer whimpering pathetically.

---

Terentius, meanwhile, is oblivious to all this: he's been piling supplies on the kitchen table, torches and rope and blankets rousted out of cupboards and sorted to try and get a sense of what they'll really need. He looks up sharply at the sound of boots, frowning to hear just one pair before he actually clocks Jim's change of attire.

"Did you get Stratos?"

[smartass_captain]

Leonard's certain Christine has her own opinions about whatever Felix has gone through but they're both in agreement almost from the immediate start that whatever's happened to Felix Jim probably wasn't involved with. The captain bore no injuries of his own and had been on the bridge until only just recently. It's almost unthinkable that Jim would be in one piece if he'd been anywhere near this. Half because of the nature of Felix's injuries and half because James T. Kirk has a nasty habit of putting himself in harm's way to make sure someone else is safe.

Though Leonard knows better he does make note of Chapel's suggestion that they send someone to inspect the lab he has clearance to work in to make sure there's nothing dangerous yet lingering for someone else to stumble upon nor any damage to the ship.

While it's surprising that Jim isn't pacing around already in the hallway just outside it's a blessing in and of itself. They needn't send someone to keep the captain busy while they do their work which is a relief. Jim tends to linger close to the people he cares most about whenever something goes wrong to end them up in here.

They're not wrong, either. If Jim didn't have a promise to keep a universe away he'd already be heading their way. As it stands Jim's haphazardly in his uniform once more as he exits their bedroom in Bruma to go find Terentius back in the family home. His hands are raised immediately when the old ex-soldier turns to look at him.

Calmer than he'd been before but somehow just as pale.

"I found Felix. We don't need to ride out tonight." That should be cause for relief but the fact that Jim's here alone and still sounds shaky has Terentius moving closer to Jim as best as his bad leg will allow.

"Where is he, Jim?" What's Felix done now? Why wouldn't he have come here to explain himself even a little? The last part he can at least suspect but surely they're owed that after the worry everyone's been through.

"He was at the house in Iowa trying to make use of the potions he keeps there..." With wet eyes and a tight voice Jim starts to explain how he found his husband in their home on Earth. Describes his injuries and mangled leathers and how terrified Felix was. Jim might sound unsure about what's transpired but those burns of his tell Terentius a pretty clear picture.

One they've all worried would befall their wayward youngest eventually.

"Conjurer's burn." Terentius murmurs, dropping his gaze from Jim's for a moment. The fate of a mortal playing with powers too vast for them to control. He's heard it described often enough to know Felix is lucky he's only burned his hands but even that could have such devastating effects on a mage. How will he properly cast ever again if he's hurt himself so severely? "Felix needs to see a healer immediately--" He starts but his newest nephew is already nodding.

"I have him in the care of Dr. McCoy. He's got...the best people in my plane looking after him right now. Of that you can be sure. I just. I needed to come tell you we'd found him." Jim's only looking more pale after the description of what's likely happened to his husband. "He went back after all and he's lucky to have made it out alive. I...my people will see to his injuries."

Jim swallows around a lump in his throat.

"We'll have to get answers after."

[conjuredskies]

However unsure Terentius might be about what healing in Jim's world entails, he knows for certain that Jim wouldn't allow any more harm to come to his husband. He remembers the man who introduced himself as a doctor at the wedding, the friends Jim brought with him. They seemed trustworthy, too. So no matter how much the older man wishes he could run to his nephew himself, he placates his ragged nerves with that knowledge. Nods slowly.

"Whatever he was doing, Jim, it sounds like an injury caused by magic. I don't know much about those, and I bet your people won't either. I know they're good at their work, but- you should let Stratos see him, too. Hell. You might not be able to stop him once he finds out."

He pulls a rueful, lopsided smile. Reaches out to clasp the captain's arm. "But you got him back. He's damned lucky you went looking for him, you know. And at least... he's not back there."

Though the fact that he went back at all... for the love of Stendarr, Felix, why?

[smartass_captain]

Terentius has a point and besides, Jim can't imagine Stratos having to hear about this of all things through the grapevine. Bad enough Jim had to find out about it second hand from one of his own crew Felix has decided to trust over his own husband. (Suspecting why Felix might have done this doesn't make the anger simmering beneath his skin any less intense, it just takes away his outlet to unleash it.)

"I'm going to let Stratos know right away. Just...once I'm back on the ship. Otherwise he's apt to go there without me and that wouldn't be good for anyone."

Stratos, in a panic, walking around a ship he shouldn't be on. That's sure to go well. Even in gamma shift that's asking for trouble.

"He's always been lucky. I...just hope that continues to hold, Uncle." Jim forces a bit of a smile at the touch. Trying to sound confident in Bones and their staff. But if the injury affected his magic too...what could any of them do for Felix? "When he's able I'll bring him here right away to see you."

[conjuredskies]

Terentius makes a rueful noise. Stratos is generally adept at subterfuge but... perhaps not so when he decides his little brother's injuries outweigh discretion. He's certainly capable of causing havoc if he goes on the warpath.

"You do that. I need to tell him what I think of sneaking past me without so much as a 'how are you'." Terentius looks over Jim, gives him another pat before he steps back. "I'll be here. You just make sure you get some sleep. You're going to need it too." Don't think he hasn't cottoned on to your bad habits, Jim.

[smartass_captain]

To say nothing about how lost Stratos could get on a ship that large without Jim there to guide him. He was only ever aboard once before after all and that was...not even the same ship. Years ago at that. Jim swallows. Terentius is more right than he knows. Jim's already taken one of the stamina potions Felix had tucked away to help keep him on his feet for what's apt to be a rough and long night into morning.

"So long as you do the same. I...know how hard it's going to be to be left alone after finding out all of this. I'm sure Stratos will be by before I am. And...thank you for the help tonight. Felix might still be waiting for someone to find him back at the house if you hadn't urged me there."

Jim shudders to even think of his husband laying on the floor amid broken glass and the potion that could have helped ease his pain suffering all alone. It squeezes at his throat until it's difficult to breathe. He needs to get back and see Felix.

"We'll come back with better news." It's as much of a reassurance as Jim can give before he takes a step back and reaches for his PINpoint. The family home grows silent once more with the captain's departure. But what to tell Stratos? Jim paces in a circle around his quarters a few passes while he drags his free hand through his hair. There's too much to tell in a text alone, not nearly enough to give him a full story.

Jim frowns over the device before he stops to send out a message.

Are you awake? Can you get to where your clothing for my world is at the moment? There's been an incident and you're going to want to be here. Use these coordinates to get to my quarters. Erase the old ones you might have, that ship no longer exists and by now someone else has likely moved in to my old place in Yorktown.

[auspex_caelo]

Stratos tends to be an early riser and it's already starting to get light far to the north Haafingar. Still, he's expecting a good hour of sleep or more before the insistent pip of his hidden-away PINpoint prompts him to roll over and check it. Just in case it's not Felix sending him a picture of some ridiculous Earth outfit or Nekomata making acerbic commentary on her current assignment.

It's neither.

Jim has to wait a good ten minutes before Stratos is remotely awake enough to process what he's reading.

I can. What incident? Clothes. He needs to get his clothes, hidden away at the bottom of his trunk. He pulls off his outer clothes to dress hurriedly. He'll need to check those co-ordinates carefully... leave a note for his staff that he's on urgent business...

[smartass_captain]

It's time enough for Jim to both put away his gear for Tamriel and to lay out Felix's for him to inspect. He's gone and worried himself sick all over to tally the scorch marks, stains of blood that are undoubtedly Felix's, and the mangled leather where he'd been struck bodily. More than ever he has to repeat to himself that Bones has brought Jim back from worse before. That Felix is going to be okay.

But for his magic...

Jim stops to scoop the device back up. He's as prepared as he's going to get for what's sure to follow.

It's Felix. He's hurt, badly.

[auspex_caelo]

The strength goes out of Stratos's hands when he reads that message. Too many awful possibilities coming to mind at once. He's feared for Felix so much over the years but now, really? When he was so certain at last that his brother had a safe home and reason to have a care with the dangers he invoked? When it finally felt like the harshest lessons were behind them?

He wants to demand more answers immediately but typing it all out like this will only slow them down. Stratos jams the PINpoint into his pocket instead and jots a hurried note for his aide to find.

When he materializes in Jim's quarters, he looks more like his younger brother for how pale he is. Momentarily relieved to see Jim there and know he's in the right place- but there's no time for niceties.

"How bad is he?"

[smartass_captain]

Jim doesn't jump though he feels ten years older than he is when he lifts his head to look his brother-in-law in the eyes. At first all he does is beckon the older Imperial over to look at Felix's gear Jim's laid out over his work desk. His things from home that he'd never wear over here on Jim's ship.

"He's in our medical unit now. We'll go down in just a moment. I needed. I need....Bones can help him get back on his feet but if his magic's been affected..." Jim brushes his mussed hair out of his face. Forces himself to take a deep breath.

"Conjurer's burn, Terentius called it."

Jim shakes his head again, fingers curling tight into white knuckled fists at his sides as he lets the mangled chest piece fall back onto the desk. He doesn't know how to explain to Stratos when he barely knows what's going on himself.

"I don't...I don't know how it happened. Only that he was already hurt when I found him."

[auspex_caelo]

Felix's armor. Somehow the sight of it alone is more ominous than seeing Felix himself. Stratos closes his eyes a moment and tells himself that Felix must be in no more danger- the healers have him, Jim isn't rushing them to his side. He needs to help Jim understand what happened, since it's plain the captain wasn't there.

"Conjurer's burn... that wouldn't surprise me." The faint signs of burn marks on the armor tell a tale themselves. "I assume there wasn't much left of his gauntlets, then. It's an injury that happens when a mage loses control of a summoning spell - from the backlash of the released energies. Typically because they tried to summon something far too powerful for them."

He's making himself look at the chest piece abstractly, just a piece of evidence with a story to tell. His fingertips brush over the gash and dent in the midsection of it, reading more than trace magics.

"...Something with a weapon, by the look of this. Assuming that wasn't what interrupted the spell and caused the backlash." He knows he's predisposed to expect recklessness from his brother but Felix has generally been careful about what he summons before. Maybe something else interfered this time. Then again, why would Felix set up a summoning ritual somewhere unsafe?

"Where was he, when you found him?"

[smartass_captain]

"At the house, back in Iowa. I think he went for a potion, but couldn't get at them with his hands. I found him..." Jim swallows roughly. "Collapsed on the floor. Brought him right back here and got him to sickbay so Bones could look him over."

"I know...a little bit of what happened." He tries to recite what Kav told him as best as he can remember it. How Felix has been worried over something he'd borrowed from a friend at a mage's college that he desperately needed to return lest the other end up in serious trouble. That Felix wavered over what to do about it for some time which meant they weren't easy to retrieve if possible at all.

Why he couldn't come to Jim or Stratos for help.

"....I think he went back to Rielle alone. That he's lucky to have made it out at all."

[auspex_caelo]

Stratos is grimly quiet up to that point, nodding slowly here and there. It's such a typical tale for Felix. Exactly his kind of trouble and precisely his kind of scheme to try and get away with it without anyone else finding out.

Up until Jim says Rielle, and several of the pieces snap into place. Stratos swears softly.

"And that's why he wouldn't have told us, of course. Mara's sake, how could he be so foolish?" What was he trying to do with this spell? Surely not more necromancy, not there. Stratos looks down and shakes his head, wishing his little brother was here so he could shake the man. Which is how he notices something on the floor, a soft shadow blending with that of Jim's desk. He stoops to pick it up; a bit of silky grey cloth, a hood that must have been dropped beforehand.

"Whatever he took, it must have been something he was using for... the runeblades. It hardly speaks well of the item's nature."

[smartass_captain]

"Stratos..."

Jim's so tired. So worried. So angry, though if it's with Felix or himself more Jim isn't sure anymore. Everything is raw and too sharp to think about for long in the moment. It's taking everything Jim has to stay calm.

"No, but it does that he'd try to help a friend he wronged." Jim glances at the hood in Stratos' hands but he has no ability to sense what power emanates from it. Even if he had an aptitude, this spell is subtle and difficult to grasp the feel of. "Even if he was an idiot about how he did it. I could have helped him. He shouldn't....have to face that alone."

His sigh seems to fill his quarters.

"I'm going to go see him. Will you come?"

[auspex_caelo]

Stratos sighs as well, some of his anger exhaled with it. It's hard to work up a fury when Jim puts it like that. Maybe Felix was just trying to do the honorable thing, though why he had to start doing that now...

"Of course I will. Do you need me to..." He pauses, frowning at the hood in his hands. It's subtle, but there's something oddly potent about the slim, elegant garment. He's seen Felix wear this before, hasn't he...? "Do you know what this is?"

[smartass_captain]

Maybe hanging around Jim for this long has worn off on him. Jim wishes so very much that it hadn't. Not when it's left Felix broken and mangled down in sickbay and looking so horrified to have seen Jim at all. His heart aches to know he's caused Felix this much pain unintentionally even as his anger simmers with nowhere to go. It's a mess of ugly emotions and Jim is just....so very tired.

"Hm?" He almost misses the garment Stratos is holding at first. His brow furrows slightly. "It's his mage's cowl, isn't it?"

[auspex_caelo]

"I thought he usually wore the blue one." Well, blue-green. Well-cut but made of much simpler cloth than this silky cowl. "I don't recognize the enchantment on it... but it is powerful, and there's a strange feel to it."

He shakes his head and sets the hood atop the battered leather gear. "It's probably some artifact he obtained in the Nexus. We should go to him. Should I conceal myself on the way?"

[smartass_captain]

"It's gamma shift. That..." But even at this time there are still some people about working. And Stratos has no uniform. It's been over a month since they've been at any base for resupply. Questions would raise if someone nosy caught sight of him.

Jim clears his throat.

"Yes. Stay close to me. We can pull a curtain around the bed Felix is at once we get down there for some privacy. So long as you don't drop the illusion in front of Bones it'll be fine. He's...still acclimating to the magic thing." A very kind stretch to say even that much but Jim knows he is trying in his own way.

[auspex_caelo]

Stratos almost, almost smiles at that. Instead he nods, and with a gesture vanishes from sight. All that's left is his voice, oddly muffled when he says, "I'll be your very shadow, then."

Though there won't even be a shadow cast behind Jim as he strides down the corridors of the ship. Only a touch at his arm when he looks back questioningly. Stratos half takes in the subtle differences between this ship and the one he saw before, though his mind is elsewhere. And this time they're taking a very different route into the ship.

At least Felix won't be quite such a mess when they reach the sickbay. He's sedated and dosed with painkillers that ensure he won't be making those awful little noises any more. Lying back in a daze as he's patched up bit by bit. It seems that it's been a while since he's seen Jim but he doesn't know if that's good or bad.

[smartass_captain]

The touch is difficult to even pay much attention to but Jim nods softly before he leads them through the Enterprise-A to where Stratos' brother is being kept. Stratos still has to work harder to keep his boots from sounding on the hard floors. Keep himself hidden from sight in these brightly lit corridors. Casting is still as difficult here as it ever was.

Jim makes no comment as he holds the door of the turbolift open once he's stepped inside until Stratos touches his arm again.

"Hold on." A soft murmur before they descend deeper into the heart of the ship--his ship. It's a thought that usually brings Jim comfort but right now all he cares about is seeing his husband again. If Stratos says anything while the lift drops Jim makes no mention of it.

The barebones staff in Medical is expecting Jim when he finally strides through the door. One of the nurses gestures toward a bed set up in the back near Dr. McCoy's office. It makes Jim exhale sharply through his nose in not quite a snort. Usually the spot reserved for himself when he does something stupid and Leonard wants to hover nearby. It works out in their favor all the same.

"I'd like a minute alone with him."

"Just try to be quick, Captain. He needs to rest..." A token effort but they know they won't dissuade him now. Best to go alert Dr. McCoy that Jim's come and let him have his time with his husband.

"Come on. Over here." Jim keeps his murmur quiet as he leads Stratos over to where Felix is laying. He makes himself turn to draw the thin privacy curtains around the bed before he sighs heavily. "Alright, we should be good." He glances down at his husband, unsure if Felix is even awake after he's been so sedated. "...How're you doing, Felix?"

[conjuredskies]

His eyes are flitting open at the murmur of Jim's voice followed by the familiar tread. He swallows hard but doesn't speak immediately, too stuck for words. The pain and overwhelming fear have been replaced by the haze of sedatives and the guilty knowledge of what he's done. The knowledge that now he has to face Jim.

"...Feeling like an idiot, but at least it doesn't hurt so much now." He tips his head to peer at Jim better, though it makes him wince and roll back again. That's far too much work. There's more color in his face now, though, no ragged edge to his breathing.

"As you should." Stratos drops the veil, eliciting a soft groan from Felix though the elder Imperial's face is lined with worry as he leans over and gently brushes Felix's bangs from his eyes.

"Hey Stratos... didn't expect to see you."

[smartass_captain]

"Told you Bones knows what he's doing." Jim's lips twitch automatically in the shape of a smile but the captain's too tired to force one completely with how deep his worry is for his husband. He sighs at Felix's groan, knowing the other isn't going to like any of this.

"Felix everyone knows. I went to the house in Bruma first when I was looking for you. I only came back to the place in Iowa to get potions you might need when I found you. I was...I was going to call Stratos and head out after you." Jim's hands tremble slightly at his sides.

"Kav came to me when you hadn't returned. I...I know you went back there."

[conjuredskies]

He looks away up at the ceiling as Jim speaks, too tired to deal with the implication that Terentius knows too. But his eyes drop back to Jim at the revelation of how close both of them came to following his trail after him. A soft sound of denial escapes his throat even before Jim makes it clear he knows where that trail led.

"...I'm sorry. I never... th' whole point was not to drag you back there."

"So you ran off there alone?" Stratos is trying not to be accusing, really, but the exasperation is hard to hide.

"I could do it fast, maybe. I had a plan..."

[smartass_captain]

Jim almost opens his mouth but he sighs instead. He's too tired to argue. His anger has dwindled on seeing his husband hurt and laid out here into a sick twisting in his guts.

"....I know." What more can he say right now? Jim doesn't know enough of the story to make a judgement on anything. His voice is heavy with emotion when he continues. "You're alright now. Bones will look after you and. A...after that we can get you to a healer in case you've damaged something inherent to your magic."

Thank the Divines thank Sanguine thank every god Felix worships that his husband is alright.

"Your uncle said we might not be able to treat all of it if it's magically inflicted."

[conjuredskies]

Felix said it had stopped hurting, but seeing the pain on Jim's face and the upset on his brother's brings the worst part of it back. He can't nod easily but he manages the tiniest bob of his chin to what Jim's saying.

"..Yeah... yeah, I'll be okay. I promise."

"I think any lingering magical effects will depend on the nature of the spell and the... creature he summoned." Stratos extends his hands over Felix, frowning as wisps of light play between them. "It may be that most of the damage is physical, but we should consult a restoration expert to be certain."

"'S fine. It wasn't a Prince. And I..." He sighs. "Called up an atronach after. M'magic's not broken."

[smartass_captain]

Jim won't get to linger there terribly long before he's being silently tugged back and away from the bedside. Leonard says nothing as he leads Jim back into his office for a moment, not until he's shut the door at least.

"What's he doing to my patient, Jim?" Leonard isn't going to argue much that Jim's brought Stratos here. He's a family man himself and knows most of the crew would be tripping over themselves to have the chance to see their loved ones in person when they're recovering for some familial comfort. "Setting aside he hasn't been cleared to be on the ship or gotten his goddamn shots like Felix has....what was all of that about magical effects? What got ahold of him, Jim?"

And again Jim wants to lash out for being taken away from Felix's side. His fatigue slams up against him and Leonard can see the exact moment Jim's carefully crafted veneer of control shatters apart.

"I don't fucking know what happened, Bones, and that's part of the problem, alright?!" Jim is bristling, his hands flexing at his sides as even the thought of pacing makes him dizzy with his exhaustion. His longest and closest friend brushes aside the snap with a sigh.

"You know more than I do."

"One of his spells...I think...reacted badly. S'what burned him. Stratos is making sure he's not screwed for spellcasting going forward." Jim drags his hands through his hair and tries not to swear for how his fingers tremble.

"Put yourself back together, Jim. We can't leave them unsupervised. I need to take notes on what Stratos is doing with your husband right now." In case any of that voodoo is going to affect his treatment, god forbid. The doctor heads toward the door of his office before glancing back at Jim. He should probably pull a chair up next to Felix's bed before Jim passes out.

He leaves Jim to pick up the pieces of his demeanor before slipping back between the thin curtains they've pulled around the kid's bed. He touches Stratos' shoulder gently.

"What's with the light show?"

[auspex_caelo]

Stratos looks around in surprise at Jim's disappearance, though he's concentrating too much to break his focus. Felix manages a tiny wave at the doctor disappearing with his husband.

They're quiet for a moment or two, Felix pulling tiny faces at the unsettling feeling of having his life energies probed by Stratos's magic. The elder Caelus may be a trained battlemage but restoration magic isn't his speciality, though he has enough expertise to make this examination it's not very subtle. It feels uncomfortably like something poking around inside his skin.

"You know for all your faults, Felix, I never thought you'd have trouble asking for help when you needed it. Or that you'd risk your own skin for... for a point of honor?"

He's too tired to go through it all now. "It's important. B'lieve me. Anyway I told you, I'd a plan. Protection. I was bein' safe."

"And yet you hid it all from us."

"I thought... this time I could clean up my own mess."

Stratos falls quiet at that, and neither of them has much more to say before there's a touch on his shoulder. It's his turn to grimace a little sheepishly, though he nods courteously to the doctor when he lowers his hands and turns.

"I'm trying to discern whether the backlash of energy Felix suffered might have had some... less physical effects on him that we should know about."

"'S scanning me," Felix mumbles helpfully. He'd opened his mouth as if to complain but even if he had the energy to joke nobody's in the humor for it.

[smartass_captain]

Hopefully Felix is coherent enough to commit that tiny grimace of Stratos' to memory. It's not terribly often that the Elder Caelus brother gets caught with his metaphorical pants down. Dr. McCoy doesn't look amused but nor is he complaining about this and Felix knows well enough by now that it means he's not going to be putting up much in the way of a fuss over the matter.

Still. He'd like to know what's going on.

"I can give you a readout of his scans, if it'd help." Leonard crosses his arms while he looks Felix over. The painkillers seem to be doing their job though Felix is in no condition to be explaining himself right now even if everyone here would sorely like some answers.

"Stay over on this side for a second. I gotta drag a chair in here for the captain to collapse into before I gotta carry him over here." Jim looked to be about a minute away from a complete breakdown and at least here the doctor knows he'll actually Rest like he's supposed to instead of doing something stupid left to his own devices.

[auspex_caelo]

It might help that Stratos doesn't look like what he's doing is going to interfere with Leonard and Christine's work directly. Even if he wanted to, the tribune does know better than to mess with a healer on their own turf. Felix is... blissfully enjoying the reprieve from being scolded or questioned. The lights aren't as painfully bright here and it's a chance to let himself drift without thinking too hard about the conversations ahead.

"I'm not certain I'll be able to interpret them, or how what I'm looking for would appear to your instruments... but I would appreciate it, doctor." A little compromise, maybe, between their methods. "I'll stay out of your way, of course. Though if you do need help with him..."

[smartass_captain]

"I always need help where Jim's concerned." Leonard grumps but it's clearly not meant to be literal as he scoots a chair over from where it had been housed next to another bed now no longer in use. They're not the most comfortable but they've got some padding and are much less unforgiving than the boxy wooden chairs Stratos is used to seeing about back home on Nirn.

"Har har, Bones. Real damn funny." Jim's voice is so small now as he slips back in with the others to watch his friend move a chair over to Felix's bed. "What's that for? Stratos isn't staying that long."

"No, but you're going to and we both know it." The doctor glances between them all. Nods to where Stratos is standing. "I'll grab it." He's not forgotten about Felix there either. Not even close. "I'll bring you a glass of water, too." Just give him a second to go and do both of those things. Stratos will get the PADD handed to him but Felix is going to get the glass set down next to his bed. It's Jim who leans over and taps the screen to bring up the readings for Stratos.

"Second degree burns covering his hands, more minor ones on his nose and cheeks. Concussion, rib fractures---Christ. You really went through the wringer, Felix." Jim had been trying to impassively read off the more notable points for Stratos' benefit. He's wincing instead.

[conjuredskies]

Stratos is certainly frowning at the screen. Felix is less interested in the medical details since he's heard them listed off already and he knows half of them are treated already. He lifts a bandaged hand to wave vaguely at Leonard in thanks for the water. He's not willing to make the effort to sit further up and grab it just yet, but it's nice to know it's there. At this point it's been many hours since he thought to eat anything and his waterskin is abandoned in the ruins of Rielle.

What lightness had returned to his expression with Jim's reappearance fades away as he watches his husband wince.

"Hey... 's all right." He reaches out carefully, unable to really tug at the captain's sleeve but touching him all the same. "Didn't mess up my face."

It's a tiny, hopeful joke. Hopeful that this will make Jim smile even a little bit instead of getting more mad at him. Stratos gives him a look over the padd he's tentatively scrolling through.

[smartass_captain]

Jim doesn't quite pull away but his brow knits in worry to see Felix reaching out to him with his bandaged hands. He doesn't want to hurt Felix any more than he already must be. It's the absolute last thing he wants. Still, he's shocked into a little laugh more than goaded into it but it's something for Felix to take. Something to hold onto.

"Nothing Bones can't handle, right. And we'll let a healer see you once you're on your feet again."

He's just...he's been so worried about you.

"That over there's his vitals since I got him in." Leonard points out to Stratos. He's not bothering to give the others much response at this point, not with how stupid Jim is over his husband at the moment.

[conjuredskies]

It's okay Jim, the painkillers are working well. He's touching so gently, pulling a tiny smile at that laugh from Jim. See, he's not that bad. He's still here with you.

"Sure... whoever Stratos trusts. Bones patched up m'head already, ribs'll be all right... just gotta wait for m'hands to heal up."

Stratos nods, scrolling through the numbers and trying to check how they'd compare with his expectations. Where he lingers is on the neurological scan Leonard took while checking for nerve damage. That, he clearly recognizes, and the mage's eyes about light up when Leonard taps a button to make it play out the recorded nerve activity.

"This seems normal enough, given his injuries..."

[smartass_captain]

Leonard glances aside as Jim settles into the seat next to Felix's bed and picks up the glass of water to offer out to Felix. Jim might have to hold the straw steady so his husband can get hold of it but at least it'll give Felix a bit of a drink. Sitting down is only going to remind him how exhausted he is, Leonard reckons.

The doctor turns back at Stratos then.

"Enough to ease your worries until we get him upright again?"

[auspex_caelo]

Stratos is doing his best to glean everything he can from the information on the padd. Still, he nods when Leonard turns and catches his eye.

"Yes... of course. There doesn't seem to be anything more to be done. And I'm certain he's in good hands." He offers the pad back, eyes tracking to where Jim is helping Felix to sip his water. That, as much as the information, eases the tension from his shoulders. Felix is in good hands - those of his husband, and his friends.

As much as he wants to linger with Felix, he knows he's more like to get in the way and risk drawing questions if any other crew spot him. He hovers by the bedside for a little longer before he sighs.

"I... had best leave you to rest. But Felix- when you're in a better state-"

"We'll talk, I know." No escaping that, despite how his eyes have half closed. Stratos gives the smallest of smiles.

"Indeed." He looks between Jim and Bones then. "Stay in touch, Jim. I want to know how both of you are doing. And... thank you, doctor. It's good to know someone level-headed is keeping an eye on them."

He's not going to give Jim the chance to work up a retort before he PINpoints out.

[smartass_captain]

Listen, Leonard likes all of you fine but it's 0200 and it's going to be a long enough day already. Stratos needs his rest as much as anyone does and the doctor's well glad that he's not looking to linger with his magical medieval germs in the doctor's place of work. Plus, it'll get both Felix and Jim resting all the sooner which they sorely need.

They're going to have to work something out between Spock, Scotty, and maybe Sulu to make sure command's handled for the next day or so. Jim's going to need the time off and it'll be on the doctor's orders if Leonard has to arrange it as such.

But he does pull a slow smile Stratos' way before the elder Caelus brother takes off with his fancy PINpoint. Finally someone around here appreciates him properly as the voice of reason.

"You're welcome, of course." He nods at the exit before heaving a sigh at the other two.

"Alright, I'm gonna dim the lights over here a bit. You two try to get some rest. We'll see where you're at come Alpha and maybe get you moved to your quarters then, depending on how it's going. Jim, make sure you see me before you grab him anything from the replicator later."

He's absolutely going to linger and scowl until they both nod his way. Good, no excuses that way. Maybe now he can get a goddamned cup of coffee and see to his work.

[conjuredskies]

No excuses, doctor. Felix doesn't really have it in him to make any this once. He's settling back with a soft noise of relief to rest his head again. The dimmed lights are a relief, even if they bring back uncomfortable thoughts of other shadows, of the long evening creeping up on him.

He opens his eyes. It's just him and his husband now. He can see the lingering fright and upset beneath the facade Jim's tried to hard to keep up. As he always does. He's not the only one who must have been worrying, either.

"...Jim...? I need, uh... does Kav know I'm back?"

[smartass_captain]

Jim's the one who's usually the most trouble when it comes to excuses but he too is nearly leaden where he sits in the chair Bones has pulled over for him. He wanted to tell the doctor not to bother but sitting down does feel so goddamn well deserved right now. With the glass of water set aside on the table once more Jim's left hand rests gently on the bed next to Felix's right side.

Close enough to brush and for Felix to feel the heat from him but not resting anywhere it might cause him discomfort. That facade pulls a bit tighter back onto his face when Felix speaks his name. It has to Jim doesn't want to see Felix hurting any more tonight.

"Yeah? What do you...oh. I hadn't..." He doesn't have the lieutenant's contact information on his own device so it's with great reluctance (and a bit of strain from protesting limbs) that Jim gets to his feet again. "I'll grab your PINpoint. Just a second."

They're lucky and it's just in their quarters, as opposed to having been dropped in the kitchen in Iowa. Jim's only gone half a minute. He sets the PINpoint down next to Felix before he settles back into his seat.

"I'll message him for you."

[conjuredskies]

"Thanks..." He doesn't want to just repeat apologies but he is so very grateful to his shattered husband for getting up and fetching the PINpoint.

"I'd rather do it myself but..." A flop of a bandaged appendage. "I was supposed t'check in ages ago. He's... probably really worried. If he went to you." His friend is less fearful than his shy demeanor lets on, but he's still especially shy around his captain despite their point of commonality in Felix. Understandable, of course. It's not like the two of them socialize casually.

[smartass_captain]

"Really worried...how long were you supposed to be gone? There's seven missed messages on here form him and then mine."

Jim can't blame Felix for preferring to do the messaging himself. Even married there's a sense of privacy being uncomfortably brushed up against to look through someone else's private messages. Even if Jim set them to play out text to speech he'd hear it all if he didn't get up to leave again and he Really doesn't want to get up any more right now.

Kav and Jim have only ever interacted with each other professionally really, save for small moments when he's over visiting Felix when Jim gets off shift or during their wedding. So it's a bit startling to see how verbose Kav is over text. Also how unprofessional. But that's not exactly surprising, Jim's not professional at all off the clock around his friends.

His eyebrows creep right up his forehead until they're making a bid to escape into his hairline.

"He's....very worried yes. Also, pissed." Let him just text Kav first to let him know Felix is alright and getting treated now (also that Jim is the one messaging him), before he scrolls back up and starts reading them aloud.

"Beta shift starts in ten minutes, do you know when you'll be back?" Scroll. "I just checked the ship and you're not back yet. What's gone wrong?" Scroll, scroll. "You're going to owe me some of that goddamn Colovian Brandy by the time you get back if you've forgotten this...."

The best Jim can do to spare Felix's dignity is to not look at his husband in between reading these. Give him his time to wince without being observed. Time perhaps to understand how things progressed here while he was in Rielle. What moved Kav to pull Jim aside and breech Felix's trust to keep this between them and get the captian involved in the first place.

"....You told me you had this under control. That's the last of it."

[conjuredskies]

"Should've been a few hours..." He swallows hard, wondering just how upset his friend is even before Jim does him the courtesy of reading the messages out. Is it a courtesy? It must be, Jim isn't trying to punish him and... he has to know what they say. He should hear them. It's only fair.

Gods, though. Even in Jim's more even tone the mounting fear and anger creeping into Kav's messages come through loud and clear. He never really explained what his plan was to Kav. Didn't tell him what kind of dangers were entailed, no hint of what to envisage. As far as Kav must have been concerned... any kind of horror might have befallen Felix, and he wasn't supposed to tell. Until he decided he had too.

Nor was he wrong. Felix groans softly, eyes half closed. He can't meet Jim's eyes.

"Fuck... I really do owe him that drink."

[smartass_captain]

"To begin with, maybe. I feel like I should give him a day off." Jim actually needs to search for the meaning of a couple of those more colorful phrases in Andorian and the picture they paint is not a happy man in the slightest. Kav's got nearly as colorful a vocabulary as Jim does, by the look of it and he never would have guessed.

"I messaged him already to tell him you were here. At least he won't have to worry any more."

[conjuredskies]

"Good... s'good. Take care of th'rest later." Felix sighs, half lifts a hand. He can't even fidget like this. "I've... never heard him get mad before."

Sigh. "Figure out... how t'make it up t'both of you."

[smartass_captain]

"Neither have I, before now. Must happen though. He's been with us a long time. ...And we've had some crazy trouble over the years." Jim's got no idea if the Andorian is particularly forgiving either but so long as it isn't going to cause trouble between his bridge crew and his husband Jim's hoping it'll sort out in time.

"....It's not...about making anything up to us, Felix. You have to...know that by now."

[conjuredskies]

"...It's not?" Maybe not. But... he shifts just enough to be able to keep his eyes on Jim as he lets them half close.

"Might be simpler if it was." If he knew how to make this right so easily. "Whatever it takes, though..."

This is his fault, one way or another. And whatever he has to do to make Jim smile again, he will. He'll keep himself turned towards his husband until he drifts into a sedative-aided sleep.

[smartass_captain]

Felix is here. Bones is treating him. He's going to be okay. They'll get him to a healer after, make sure his magic isn't damaged any. They'll get back on track and get this taken care of.

"Just rest, for now. You need your strength." Of that Jim's absolutely certain. Whatever else they need to do to make things alright again they can worry about it after Felix has recovered.

He stays right next to Felix.

"...I'm not...going anywhere." It's a promise. When Jim dozes off it'll be in that chair by Felix's side.

[conjuredskies]

Exhaustion and meds do their work on both men. Someone- probably Bones - has adjusted Jim's posture and got a pillow under him by the time he wakes again. Which happens because Felix is stirring, trying to sneak to the bathroom before the painkillers wear off any more. His yelp when he puts weight on one hand wakes Jim, and there's some groggy explanations; by the time Jim insists on helping his husband go a very tired Bones has appeared and he has views about his patient roaming around unsupervised, thank you.

By the time Felix is sorted out and back in bed he's getting administered more painkillers and some replicator soup for his growling stomach. Neither he nor Jim are liable to have a serious talk in the middle of sickbay- nor does either man really have their thoughts together enough yet - so for a while they just bow to the routine of the medical staff. Jim checks his messages, returns Felix's tentative conversation, checks on how he's feeling yet when he wakes from dozing off again.

Eventually, though, the captain does have to go see to his own needs - including getting himself a replicated meal. Bones left very strict instructions. Felix is grateful for that care... even if it does leave him unable to nap again yet and stuck with nothing to do but think on the memories of his own stupidity the day before.

Stupidity. Desperation.

He still thinks he could have pulled it off.

Felix closes his eyes and sighs.

[betashiftblues]

Kav knows he's not strictly supposed to be in here. That the staff might have opinions on anyone going and waking up or disturbing their newest patient. He hadn't bothered to reply to the message on his PINpoint. Not if the captain's the one with Felix's device.

He hates the sickbay but Leonard McCoy runs a tight ship. It's clean in here. And no one saw him slip in. Kav just wants to know---needs to know. That Felix is alright. He's not quite prepared for how bandaged up the other is. Felix knows those quiet swears all too well.

"....Did he have to go and get you?"

[conjuredskies]

He startles a bit- "Nnh, when did you?" - but it's Norn, he's always stealthy by nature. Felix peers up at his friend with sheepish uncertainty on his face.

"...No, I mean- I made it back most of the way. He found me in our house, after... you talked to him. He got me back here." Felix hesitates, searching Norn's face. "He said you didn't reply to the message. I would have sent it myself except..." Well. The obvious. He glances downward.

"That, and... you deserve an apology in person."

[betashiftblues]

"...Just now, obviously." He's not the captain. Definitely not lurking around watching you rest in a place he hates for no reason, Felix.

It's good that the captain hadn't had to go...wherever it was Felix ran off to by himself. By Jim's reaction alone Norn knows full well that Felix hadn't been honest about how dangerous a place it was. All those bandages are only confirming that.

"...Wasn't really room to be honest knowing he was the one reading your messages. He's already mad enough with me for keeping your secret." The lieutenant shifts where he's standing. "Which...I can't exactly blame him for, looking at you now."

[conjuredskies]

"It wasn't... it wasn't exactly anything there that got me. It was the- I tried something to handle it safely. That's what backfired." Which just makes it sound more like he didn't know what he was doing. Felix shakes his head. "I was so close to having it taken care of, I swear."

[betashiftblues]

"....And I'm so close to not regretting my decision to help you cover all of this up." Kav rolls his eyes, his antennae twitching with his discontent. He's not used to dealing with anger, real upset that comes form dealing with other people. Kav sighs loudly but doesn't say anything else. He's not like Jim, not eager to get into a fight and vent those frustrations aloud.

Kav shakes his head.

"...Did you even get back what you were looking for?"

[conjuredskies]

Ah. "...No." He sighs. "It was further in than I thought. Well, hoped. And now... I've made things a lot more complicated." He frowns a little, peering carefully at Kav.

"...He shouldn't be mad at you, you know. I don't think he is. If it wasn't for you telling him... I wouldn't be in this good shape right now. I'm grateful. And... I'm sorry for worrying you."

[betashiftblues]

"I'm not worried about the captain being mad at me, Felix." It's not as though Kav didn't know that was a risk when he agreed to help his friend in the first place. "...I just didn't want to make the situation worse by swearing at him when you weren't even the one reading my messages."

A waste of time. Probably also bad for mending things later.

"...I'm just...now what're you going to do? Now it's worse for everyone. And I'm worried about what you're going to do to try and fix That."

[conjuredskies]

It's more emphatic all round than Kav usually is, so Felix doesn't argue. Even if it kind of bothers him if Jim holds the comms officer responsible. Kav was jut trying to watch his back, and that matters.

"I don't know. I'll figure something out-" Worse for everyone. Kav doesn't know the half of it. There's an angry immortal warrior spirit roving around out there just waiting to happen to some unsuspecting hunter or pilgrim.

"But Jim and my brother know now, and they're going to have their own ideas about what to do."

[betashiftblues]

The lieutenant will leave it to Felix to sort that particular mess out with his husband. He's certainly not going to make excuses for choosing to help a friend, although he might admit if pushed that he can see why Jim ended up so worried to begin with now.

They've all had quite the scare.

"....Felix." That's not reassuring anymore. Not when he said that the last time and is now concussed and bandaged up in medical. And he doesn't even know how bad things are. At least the people who do have an idea of what dangers Felix is facing are in the know, even if it's probably reopened some old wounds. They'll make sure Felix is alright. Of that the Andorian has no doubt of.

"Guess that's it, then." He's lost his chance to do things his way. Kav can't say he's sorry for that looking at Felix right now.

[conjuredskies]

"It's a godsdamned mess." Felix lets his head flop back and groans softly. "I still don't want either of them to be dragged into this but if I can't talk them into staying out of it..." And who is he kidding, these are two of the only men he knows stubborn enough to ignore his powers of persuasion.

"It's so unfair. I wanted to handle this without hurting them again. But one look at your faces and I know I already have."

[betashiftblues]

Looking the way Felix does now, there's no way he's going to be able to talk any two responsible men, let alone those two, into letting him try anything else without at least their direct supervision. Which isn't what Felix wants to hear. He probably knows it better even than Kav does. He's acting like a spoiled--

But of course he is. Felix went out of his way to try and play the big damn hero for once and look where its gotten him. He doesn't need to be told to grow up, to face what he's done. Felix knows that very well.

"...If it had worked though, you'd have saved them a lot of heartache. I get it. It's why I agreed to help you in the first place." Kav sighs softly. "It would have been very much like some of the stunts the captain's managed to pull off. But you've found the other thing Kirk is good at doing. Getting himself beat up on someone else's behalf."

[conjuredskies]

If Kav is only just realizing Felix is kind of spoiled, he's done well so far. He may have had honorable intentions but he's not above lying back and feeling sorry for himself, especially when it doesn't seem like there's much else he can do right now.

"...And I'm not Jim." What was it he complained of to people in the Nexus? You're always the one who has to pick up the pieces? Well, turns out he doesn't like it from this side, either. He should have just taken the advice he got and left Mathieu out to dry.

"I will make this up to you. As soon as I can." Jim rejected the idea but Felix doesn't care. He doesn't know what else he can try to do.

[betashiftblues]

Kav expects he's going to get a lot of the riot act read to him by his brother and possibly Jim if the doctor doesn't get to it first. It seems pointless to take his anger out on Felix now. It makes for a frustrating sense of helplessness on the one hand but on the other Kav is glad he's spared from needing to fight about this.

He's no good at that kind of thing.

"....We'll get this fixed, and then you can worry about making it up to me."

[conjuredskies]

Felix is sharp enough to guess there's more discontent behind Norn's restrained demeanor than he lets on. If he were a more compulsively honest sort, the Imperial might think about pressing the matter, letting Norn have his say. It's Felix, though, and at this moment he's more than happy to let Norn let this slide. Maybe it'll bite him later. But that will be later.

"...Sure. I'm sure that won't be long." He angles a tired smile at his friend. "And... thanks, for coming down here."

[betashiftblues]

It's apt to get Felix avoided for the time being, though with him being stuck in sickbay or his own quarters for the near future it's likely not going to be something easy to notice. Kav sighs. Takes a half-step away from the bed. Now that he's seen for himself that Felix isn't lying broken and dying down here he'd very much like to leave sickbay to the sick.

Or the injured in Felix's case.

"I had to be sure you were alright." He's tilting his head toward the exit though. "I should...let you rest for now."

Much, much later in the day...

[conjuredskies]

Bones makes them wait until the end of Alpha and Felix getting his hands freshly dressed before he'll examine the man again and consider letting him be moved back to quarters. He's still a bit loathe to let Felix out of his sight, but he has to concede the Imperial isn't in danger of getting worse provided one of the medical staff changes his dressings regularly over the coming days. And provided he stays still. He's better at that than Jim, by far, but Bones is not a trusting man when it comes to these two.

He relents, in the end, in favor of getting the space back and getting Jim somewhere he'll sleep properly. But only after the captain's promised to make sure Felix doesn't go anywhere.

The upshot is that it'll be well into Beta shift before they're back in their own quarters and properly alone with each other once more. Felix sighs and relaxes back into the relative softness of their own pillows.

"You must be getting hungry by now. Or do you want a nap first?"

Re: Much, much later in the day...

[smartass_captain]

There's only so much Bones can handle Jim pacing around the sickbay. He's a terrible enough patient when he's not all that able to move. Having him worried and frustrated and mobile is so very much worse. Letting Felix off back to their quarters at least means being well out of spill zone whenever that emotional thunderstorm comes to a head. Felix will need to head back down twice a day to get his dressings seen to for the next few days.

Everything else can be handled with ample amounts of rest. Which, after a very long day spent fussing over Felix is something Jim needs as well. Unluckily for everyone, he's still upset about how Felix got hurt in the first place and much too used to pushing himself when he needs to sit down for a while.

Jim's gotten Felix propped up with a bunch of pillows on their bed in their quarters and has disappeared from the man's side to get himself a replicated coffee. He'd have gone for one of the minor stamina potions as well if he didn't know it'd earn him an earful from Felix. Jim doesn't see the problem, personally. That's what they're for.

"Just getting a coffee." The captain confirms it by holding the mug aloft for Felix to see once he's fetched it. "....You want some tea or anything?"

[conjuredskies]

"More coffee? You know, you don't have to be on high alert right now." The longer Felix is conscious the more time he has to get antsy, and he'd prefer Jim to be as relaxed as possible. Not that he really has... any room whatsoever to be giving health advice right now.

"...But yes. Please. I'd appreciate some tea." It'll be a change from water and it's something to help Jim feel useful. Will require him to settle down beside his husband to help him drink, even.

[smartass_captain]

"No, but I like it." Needs it to function, more like. The tension headache sitting between his eyes is a constant companion after a day spent worrying over Felix. Answering difficult messages form Stratos. They still don't know much of anything yet. No doubt Felix is hoping Jim will be so worried about Felix's recovery he forgets about how the man ended up like this to begin with.

"I'll get it now." Just half a cup for starters. It's easier for Jim to help Felix drink from a cup when it's not so full. They might have found this out the hard way already. Jim's not taking the risk with a hot beverage. Not when Felix is already burned.

When he comes back Jim's going to set both mugs down on the side table nearest Felix's side of the bed. There's no room to pull up a chair so he'll have to settle on the side of the bed next to Felix.

"It's not scalding hot but..." His gaze strays to Felix's bandages. Jim scowls. "Maybe we should wait a few minutes."

[conjuredskies]

"One minute. If it gets cold it's just bitter water." Felix catches that scowl and tries to reassure him gently. "It's all right. I can hardly feel a thing now, you know. It could be worse."

[smartass_captain]

"Fair enough I suppose." Jim will drink room temperature coffee he's forgotten about that's been sitting for hours but it's much less enjoyable than fresh. Replicated coffee is even worse for this.

Still. He's going to be careful when he moves Felix's mug over to help his husband get a drink. His expression always softens when he's doing this but there haven't been a whole lot of smiles on Jim's part since Felix got brought back to the ship.

"Easy. I've got it...."

[conjuredskies]

Felix budges up to let him sit further up on the bed, hoping Jim will get comfortable. It's... awkward, and if it was anyone but Jim doing this he'd be embarrassed. Right now, though, that careful assistance is a reminder of his husband's love and concern. He cares. He won't stop caring. Even if...

"...Thanks. It's good..." He'll take a few sips with Jim's help before he sits back. Peers sidelong at Jim's expression.

"Come on. You should be resting, too. You don't need to worry now."

[smartass_captain]

"As good as the replicated stuff gets." It's an herbal spiced tea that Spock recommended to him and one Jim's passed on to Felix. One of the few teas Jim's gotten a taste for out of the options available to them from the replicator. When Felix is done drinking Jim pulls the mug away to set back on the bedside table before fetching his own to drink deeply from.

Felix is watching carefully, so he'll catch the way Jim clenches his teeth before he hides behind his mug. He's not drinking now, just buying himself a few precious seconds to think before he opens his mouth and says the first thing that comes to mind.

"...Oh, really?"

[conjuredskies]

He doesn't need to guess when he already suspects Jim's angry with him. The forced calm in his voice spells it out further, spurs the Imperial to blurt out an attempt at reassuring him.

"Of course." He hesitates after it's said, twisting to search Jim's face. "...I know you're upset with me. But I'm back now, and safe. Thanks to you." All good, see?

[smartass_captain]

"Fucking..." It's barely more than a whisper while Jim rolls his eyes. "Thanks to me? Felix I still don't know what's going on. I can Guess at quite a bit and I'm not sure which part of it is more goddamn upsetting. How long are you going to keep pretending that I'm an idiot?"

Really, it's Jim's own fault in a few ways. If he's right and Felix did go back to that hellish place on his own it was surely because he didn't want Jim or Stratos to be forced into going. It's only making his chest ache all the more.

[conjuredskies]

"I just meant..." Felix hesitates, looking like a deer in the headlights. He can't hide from the issue when Jim brings it up so directly.

He'd really hoped he could avoid this at least until they were more rested. Should have known better: should have realized the captain would find no rest until some of this was out in the open.

"...I thought Kav told you most of it," he says carefully. "You said before... you knew where I'd been. That I'd gone back... there."

[smartass_captain]

"He told me you were in trouble with a friend. That you lost something that didn't belong to you and that you couldn't ask me or your brother for help because it would be 'upsetting' for us. That was literally it."

There's very few places that could have that kind of history for Jim and Stratos. Even less in Cyrodiil proper. Felix didn't get to see them get nearly eaten in the marshes after all.

"Of course I was going to assume it was--" Jim swallows roughly and shakes his head. "You were in so much pain when I found you..."

[conjuredskies]

"That's... the bones of it." It's about as much as Felix told Kav, anyway. He swallows, reaching up to touch Jim's back with a swaddled hand.

"Jim... Jim it's... you're right. I did go there. And it hurt so damned much but I got out and I'm safe now, I promise." At least, until he figures out what to do about the new problems he's created...

[smartass_captain]

Jim grits his teeth and shakes his head to hear Felix confirm it. Again, it's happening again it's the same song and dance with them.

"You lied to me again. Snuck off and...I could have helped! You didn't even call me for help, you didn't even get what you were looking for and...." He's biting back the hurtful things he wants to throw. Jim wants to start a fight wants to shout because it will be better than the sick ache he feels in his chest. instead.

But Felix can't fight back like this. Felix is hurt because of Jim.

"And now we have to go back again." He doesn't know the half of it.

[conjuredskies]

"I'm sorry, really I- I couldn't call after things went wrong so I went back to the house-" It's not why he went there instead of the ship, though. It's not why he lied. And Felix blanches a little to hear Jim already talking about going back.

"No." He's pushing himself upright again. "That was the whole reason I couldn't- I would have asked for your help if it was anything else, I swear to you. But I couldn't ask you to go back there. You or Stratos. You already suffered through that place for me once."

[smartass_captain]

"As if you haven't?!" It takes every ounce of Jim's self control not to pull away from Felix. To get up and loom over his bedridden partner. This isn't captain Kirk addressing his crew for being out of line. But that would be easier, because Jim doesn't behave as professionally as the man who's in charge. At least he never used to. Before Felix he was a much different man.

"Felix you could have been killed and none of us would have even known where to look. I GET that you were trying to protect me. Protect us, even. But you can't handle this alone!"

[conjuredskies]

It doesn't count, though, what happened to him. Even Felix can't see himself as a victim when the horrors of Rielle were his doing.

Well. Half his doing.

He opens his mouth to try and explain that but Jim's next words shut him up hard. He could have died. Jim doesn't even know how close he came to it, in fact. And then what would have happened? He'd have just abandoned his family- abandoned Jim- without explanation or farewell or even the hope of answers. Never knowing that the man they looked for lay dead and unburied in the one place they thought they'd rescued him from.

Felix swallows hard, but the lump won't leave his throat.

"...I know." He draws a heavy breath. "I thought I had a way around it. A way to conjure up a solution. But all I've done is make things worse."

[smartass_captain]

Felix no longer needs to guess at the swears Jim's rattling off when he mentions having a way to conjure himself out of his problems. In part because he's got access to his own universal translator now thanks to getting in with Starfleet and partly because he's heard those words many times before.

"What's it going to take, Felix? What. Do. I have to do. To get you to stop hiding this shit from me? To understand that I trust and respect your expertise as a goddamned mage?" There's tears in Jim's eyes but he's too busy shaking his head.

"How many times are we going to repeat this? How fucking open and honest and upfront with you do I have to be before it gets returned in any capacity? Sure I wouldn't have liked the thought of going back to Rielle but we could have had a plan. Sent you in with some gear that might have given you an edge. Something. Anything."

How many more times are they going to do this before Felix doesn't make it back? Before he pays a price behind Jim's back that he can't save the mage from?

"How many away missions have I sat out because you took ill to the idea of me going? Why is it always..." He has to stop. Jim's going to start shouting otherwise and he doesn't think that's going to help anyone. It's not fair and Felix knows it. But the damage is already done. Jim can't change that this has happened, all he can do is try to help fix it.

Again.

[conjuredskies]

Each pained question goes right to his heart. The hurt and betrayal that all Jim's efforts aren't enough to earn his trust. Felix shakes his head, tries to say something but Jim isn't done. All his justifiable anger and fear tumbling out steadily, building until he's on the verge of losing control altogether. Felix can feel him hit that point- and clamp his mouth shut.

He wants to wrap his arms around Jim and pull him close. Assure his love that he knows, he's sorry he should never have done this- but tension radiates from Jim's posture and he knows- not now. It would be an empty gesture yet.

"It's not about your trust," he blurts out instead. Corrects himself: "I mean- I know you have faith in me. More than anyone else I've ever known. I'm afraid of you putting yourself in danger to help me- to fix my mistakes. It's not fair that you should always be sacrificed either!"

[smartass_captain]

Felix has seen Jim lose his temper before. But the crash of turbulent emotions doesn't come. Jim swallows down the bile filled words he wants to hurl while he paces their quarters. It's taking everything he has not to turn mean instead, to hurt Felix as deeply as he can with his words. Anything that might lead to an actual fight.

Bruises Jim can handle. Hell, a broken bone can be mended. This? This awful ache and knifing pain in his chest and stomach? This is not the kind of pain Jim has ever been good at handling. Felix is hurt and moreover he has never once actually taken the bait when Jim has tried to goad him into a fight before. The last thing Jim wants to do is see his husband's face twist in agony. Especially not when he's the cause.

Which leaves Jim near bursting with anger he has no outlet for. Hurt he doesn't want to give a voice to.

"Then what the fuck did we even swear vows for...?" When Jim turns round to look back at their bed his face is tight with held back emotion.

[conjuredskies]

Felix's heart might have stopped in that moment. The bottom drops out of his stomach as he stares at Jim. For a moment his mouth works, searching for the words he needs to fix this and make it better.

"Because I love you. So that we'd care for each other and..." Speak truth to each other. Be each other's shield. Stand together against your troubles. Felix pushes himself up, ignoring the twinge through his medicated numbness as he swings his legs over the edge of the bed.

"And I know I'm not living up to those vows but I swore myself to you and I meant it." Don't say things like that don't question this no no no nono...

[smartass_captain]

When Felix doesn't snap back Jim goes back to pacing their quarters. His fingers dig fitfully into the sleeves of his clothing--he's only half wearing his uniform today since no one called for him and he'd taken the day to tend to his husband. It's not much relief but having something to fidget with (a small bit of physical discomfort as he chafes and digs into his arms) helps distract from everything Jim's decided he won't say.

So he's actually shocked into spinning round when he hears Felix trying to get up. His husband's face is nearly as pale as it had been the other night.

"Felix--" But he's cut off and it's genuine fear in Felix's voice. Jim's sigh is half exasperated and half relieved that something finally seems to be getting through. "Felix sit down, I'm not leaving you." Jim's at the side of the bed in only a couple full strides, his warm hands on Felix's shoulders.

"It's just goddamned hard to help support you when you won't let me stand by you when you actually need it."

[conjuredskies]

The cold feeling isn't going away quickly. He's shaking a little under Jim's hands, only for the suddenness of his fear and the realization of how dire a path this might be. But he draws in an easier breath for the reassurance- the exasperated reassurance, for how many times has Jim made clear he's not going anywhere?

"Then- you need to promise that you'll tell me what you need. That you won't just take on every burden and pay the price after." He can't feel it, when he cups Jim's face in his hands, but his touch is no less urgent for being clumsy.

"I just don't want to keep causing you pain."

[smartass_captain]

Felix will feel Jim tense up again in his arms. How thin his lips draw when he bites back whatever scathing remark might have been resting on the tip of his tongue. After The Storm, after this, Jim is in no mood to go making more concessions right now. To admit that his tendency to bottle things up might be part of the problem. So far as he's concerned Jim's already more open and forthright with Felix than he is with anyone else.

"I'm Already honest with you, Felix." Tension underlying every word. Jim's grip on his husband is gentle but his words are anything but in the moment. Felix knows what Jim's feeling half the time before he does it feels like.

"I don't know what more you want from me."

[conjuredskies]

"...But you aren't always honest with yourself." So much tension there and Felix wants to soothe Jim's anger, wants to back down. Except that he's afraid too that Jim doesn't understand why Felix acted like an idiot. He needs to explain himself-

"I know we talked about this stuff, after the storm. I know I promised to share my plans with you, and I should have. I would have, I swear, if it hadn't involved... Rielle."No hiding from the name now, no use any more in flinching away and hiding from the thought of it. "I just want to know that if I tell you about something like this you won't insist on putting yourself in danger. That you'll think about yourself, too."

[smartass_captain]

"Don't you start telling me what I do and don't feel." For all Felix is right and his honest reasoning laid bare Jim wants to hear none of it right now. In the spur of the moment those words sound like his mother needling him over the comm channel if he's sure he's alright. Everyone who wants to see him fail looking for any sign of weakness. Jim's no longer a slave to this idea that he'll lose his ship if anyone knew him truly.

Still, upset as he is he doesn't want to hear talk that he might not be able to handle whatever trauma inducing place Felix has already braved on his own. He doesn't want pity or coddling. Jim's never wanted the help he's advised others seek in support of their mental health. Has never wanted to talk to those who wouldn't understand.

Felix is the only on who knows most everything. After that it would probably be his alternate. If even they start pitying him.....No. No Jim won't tolerate that.

"If, but. There's always a convenient reason you won't tell me the truth. I wouldn't have run off without you, but there's no point saying it now." Jim shakes his head. He doesn't touch on the real question Felix is asking. Not when he's this raw.

[conjuredskies]

Felix drops his gaze at that rebuke, hands lowering from Jim's face. After how he's handled his own feelings here, what right has he to tell Jim how to interpret his? And he can only wince when Jim calls him out on his excuses.

"I'm sorry," he says, knowing it's not enough. He can open up about everything he's done but until he shows Jim he can change his habits, such belated truths will only rub in how much Felix has already kept from him.

Still, he says it: "When you want to hear it... the whole story. I'll tell you everything. Stratos too, I suppose.,. he'll want to know."

[smartass_captain]

It's not until Stratos' name is mentioned that the stiff tension in Jim's posture seems to soften. Jim may be hurt and angry but he suspects Felix is going to get far worse of a dressing down when his brother gets involved. Where Jim held his tongue so as to not treat Felix like an ill-behaving child....

He sighs heavily.

Jim's hands find Felix's shoulders again, as gentle as ever.

"Do you prefer to tell it just the once, or would it be better if you told me first?"

[conjuredskies]

"I..." What a choice, when he feels such a turmoil of guilt and fear to think of telling the story at all. But Jim's hands are firm on his shoulders, despite how he's upset his husband. Felix makes himself look up again.

"I'd rather..." not piss off both of you at the same time, "tell you, first. I need to, well. Get it straight in my mind before I explain it to him." Which he is truly dreading.

[smartass_captain]

"Okay....okay." Jim looks around their quarters. His chest is still so tight with withheld emotion. Frustration welled up with nowhere to go. If Felix talks out his bad choices now Jim's not wholly certain he's going to be able to keep quiet and let Felix work through those rough memories on his own time.

"Let me...get you something to eat. Settled again. I need. I need to take a walk first." Maybe head down to the gym and work out some frustrations. Head down to the observation deck and sort out how he's feeling about all of this where no one else can linger and prod him about it.

"I'll come back in a bit, grab some food, and you can tell me then."

Jim can see the worry and hesitation on his husband's face. Expects the quiet dismissal that Felix isn't hungry right now. How could he think of eating with the scare Jim's given him? Knowing Jim is so hurt and upset because of him? It's not a decision Jim's going to dispute. Once Felix is arranged as comfortably as can be seen to on their bed Jim leaves their quarters.

The Enterprise-A is large enough he could pace its halls without fear of doubling back on himself for quite some time but her captain has a few places he prefers to linger when needing time and space to think. At this time of Beta there's still plenty of people milling about either waiting for their shift to start or winding down from their day. Not the best time to spend lingering in the gym. Not when he's in no mood to be social. So too are the observation decks similarly bustling with people taking their meals or enjoying time off the clock. Jim heads instead for the turbolift to venture down into Engineering. It's taken years for him to be comfortable down here again, but before his untimely temporary demise this would probably be his second favorite place on the entire ship after the bridge.

Jim finds Scotty's latest out of the way repair project he comes round to poke at when the ship's chief engineer wants to be left alone. It's easy to find if one knows to look for places about the size to hide a tea kettle that shouldn't be stored down here. Scotty's no here now, but Jim can message him and see what all needs doing. An hour or so of getting his hands dirty will go a long way toward helping him calm down.

He thinks about the fear in Felix's eyes as he's muscling a spanner back into a hard to reach nook. Jim's frustrations don't change how much he cares for his husband. Down here no one can hear him swear to himself. No one will judge what he says. If he sheds tears. There's just the work to be done in front of him.

Jim works until his arms start to ache. Until there's a growing concern that Scotty will turn up to ask after him. As much as the captain enjoys his friend's company now is not the time to go sharing a drink and feeling sorry for himself. No matter how much Jim may want to avoid Felix for the moment the mage is still injured. Has promised to tell Jim the whole story of his time spent sneaking back off to Rielle.

No, he won't keep Felix waiting for that long. As his stomach grumbles for its neglect Jim puts away the tools he'd taken out and makes for the cafeteria. He's already selected Felix's favorite options out of habit before Jim scowls slightly at himself as he arranges the tray to bring back to their quarters. Well. Maybe it'll be enough to coax Felix to eat something with Jim while he tells his tale.

It's an hour and a half later when the door hisses back open and Jim returns with food in hand. It fills the room with the scent of beef and vegetable stew with a hearty bread to go alongside it. No ale to drink with it though--Felix will have to settle for another cup of tea when Jim sets the tray down on the side table.

"Hope you're a bit more hungry now." It's all Jim offers at first for conversation. He's no longer clenching his jaw or pacing like a caged beast. The vaguely artificial chemical smell that clings to Jim speaks of where he's been, as do the small grease stains on his face and clothing.

"I brought enough for both of us."

[conjuredskies]

Jim takes his anger with him, and though anxiety for his husband gnaws at him Felix is a little relieved, for a few minutes. Sitting in the dim light of their quarters with nothing but the quiet hum of the ship... and his own guilt. Their arguments - and his own bad memories - playing out in his mind over and over.

Maybe he should have asked for a book.

The loneliness sets in after about ten minutes. Felix is starting to feel very sorry for himself, all alone with his burned hands, when there's a thump from across their quarters and the padding of small feet. Tiber jumps up onto the bed a moment later, purring up a storm to find Felix entirely trapped in a cushy spot.

"...You golden devil, were you hiding over there?" Probably hogging Jim's desk chair to stay out of the way and keep his owner from doing any work. Felix knows Tiber is more intelligent than a normal cat- and he does seem more inclined to respond to Jim's moods. Maybe they're both looking for some comfort. He strokes the cat's head with awkward care and sighs. "Turning up after all the shouting's over, huh? I couldn't have done better myself."

Tiber blinks at him smugly, and gets down to the important work of finding the best position to sit on top of the human. Preferably one that'll trap his legs in an awkward position...

He's still there when Jim returns- Felix knows who's coming by the way Tiber's ears twitch and his head lifts - though when the captain steps inside, the cat's getting up in a hurry. Jim's remark about being hungry elicits a long mrooow before Felix can open his mouth.

"Starving." Felix pushes himself straighter, peering at Jim carefully. Taking in his posture as well as the stains on his clothes. Some men would go and hack at a target with a sword; Jim, he's learned, has other tastes. "Though apparently you were supposed to bring enough for three."

[smartass_captain]

The kneazle certainly wastes no time at all in twining around Jim's boots before headbutting the captain rather harder than normal. It's much more difficult for Jim to forget to eat or sleep to his own detriment when he's got Tiber around to scold him when he gets out of line. Such a mighty chore deserves a mighty feast in turn, surely? Jim sighs loudly in the room--but there's a reluctant smile twitching at the corner of his mouth before he bends down to offer a few scritches.

"You have your own food, you know." Tiber's got no shortage of fresh food or water over in his place in their quarters tucked over near Jim's desk. But they both know that what the kneazle is asking for is one of his favorite snacks. He's eagerly pushing his way into their closet when Jim digs through the small apothecary's satchel purring loud enough for Felix to hear across the room before Jim offers the fiend a torchbug thorax that's snatched out of his hand almost before he can offer it to Tiber.

"Don't make a mess with that!" Is all Jim can call out after Tiber. Felix sees the gold streak settle down underneath Jim's desk to get to work decimating Felix's alchemy ingredients with supreme satisfaction. He's done his part to distract and calm down Jim a bit more, Felix. Now he reaps his reward while you get your precious Human Fare.

Though Jim's rolling his eyes after Tiber that tick upwards in mood doesn't vanish again when he settles down on the edge of the bed so he can set about helping Felix eat.

"Good to hear it." It's not the most dignified way to take a meal but Felix at least will get to eat everything while it's fresh with his husband's help.

[conjuredskies]

It's long past the point where Felix can seriously complain about his supplies being raided. He's spent enough time in the woods - or more often, these days, the shops of Solitude - getting extra supplies to make up for those lost to kneazle munchies.

Besides, at this moment the Imperial is stretching his freed legs and rearranging himself to let Jim help him eat. It's... intimate, considering everything still hanging unresolved between them.

"Thanks," he murmurs when Jim settles down with him, earnest gratitude in it. "It smells really good..." Even if it's going to take some work to sate his stomach's eager growling. A few quiet minutes while Jim spoons stew into his mouth and Felix's eyes keep tracking back to his expression. He seems more... tired, now, than angry. That's probably good. And Felix is already starting to feel less dire with some food in his belly and an hour or so of a cat purring atop him.

"Remember to eat yours too," he chides after a bit, though he softens his tone. The words exchanged before are still bright and fresh in his mind. "I don't want to hog it all."

[smartass_captain]

They've all learned the hard way which things Tiber can readily eat of Felix's pack and which to avoid. Thankfully, Tiber's smart enough to know which things to avoid himself. But insects are a favorite snack (albeit not as good as when they're fresh for catching).

"Anytime. You've certainly helped me plenty before..." Jim might have scowled before for grabbing Felix's favorites from the replicator, but here and now its a blessing to have his husband eating heartily. It means less of a chance they'll have to do this again before tomorrow. Jim's not unaware of how helpless this must feel to Felix. He'd be losing his mind if he was the one in bed.

"Relax. I brought enough for two." He's going to rearrange himself on the side of the bed to turn toward filling his own stomach since Felix seems to be done. Jim grabs up the other slice of bread quickly enough. Despite everything Jim can't put off eating a proper meal forever. He's starving as he digs into his food.

"...I'm listening whenever you're ready, by the way." Glancing up from the bowl toward Felix for just a moment. While talk of Rielle is sure to put him off eating Jim's pretty sure there's much more to the story of why he ended up there. Plenty of time he figures to finish his food if Felix is ready to talk.

[conjuredskies]

"And will again, I've no doubt..." It's not pointed, despite the context. Felix hasn't the will or the high ground to start with barbs now. Even less when he's already truly grateful for his husband's attentions.

If something like this had happened to him just a few years ago, would he have had anywhere to go for help? When he was just an adventuring conjurer, would he have made it out with his life, let alone the promise of recovering his hands?

He's staring at Jim and pondering how lucky he is when that glance and quiet remark interrupt his thoughts. Felix swallows. Well, can't put it off forever. Though he sits back on the pillows, tipping his head back toward the ceiling for a minute. He's... not sure he can look at Jim's face while he talks about this.

"Well... after the Runeblades, uh..." His mouth goes dry, Felix losing the thread of his words for a moment, "began... influencing me. I did a lot of things I shouldn't have. They had me- no, I mean, I needed research materials. For what I was trying to do. So at one point I... got my friend Mathieu from the College of Whispers to help me get into their restricted library. I'm not a member, you see, and if anyone had really valuable tomes on the higher uses of necromancy... or. Well. Any of the magic I thought I wanted to study."

He draws a long breath and ploughs onward. "Anyway, the problem is, I made off with an armful of those books before I was done with them. I took them back for further study. To... Rielle. Where I was holing up."

[smartass_captain]

Jim still sulks a bit when Felix says as much, but on a thought he can't deny that. Felix knows all too well how Jim feels about protecting his crew. The responsibilities he has as the Enterprise-A's captain, to say nothing about Jim's own reckless nature.

"...Probably." He accepts, instead, and even this is an understatement when 'definitely' is the word they should be using. But it's a start. A concession, no matter what their discussion had been before. Jim's at least willing to listen and consider now. Jim shifts slightly on the bed to give Felix the room he needs to stretch out, lie back and consider what he's going to say. This isn't going to be easy to hear; there's no scenario Jim can imagine where it'll be easy to talk about either.

If it were easy, Felix probably wouldn't have lied about it in the first place. Best to look down at his bowl and focus on the food Jim's working at while he's got the chance. A wise idea considering the mere mention of the Runeblades sends a chill down the captain's spine.

"Mmh." Noncommittal. A grunt of affirmation that Jim is following more than any real opinion. The captain stares down at the remnants of his meal. The stew doesn't look so appetizing all of a sudden. He forces a few more bites--he's fine. Everything is alright for the moment. Felix's ownership of his actions cut nearly as deep as the mention of those cursed blades. Nausea sweeps over the captain and he quietly puts the tray on the side table. He doesn't want to see smears of dark liquid and chunks of flesh right now.

Coffee is better. Jim doesn't have to look at it and the smell is a comfort he clings to.

"But. You didn't find them when you went back." Jim supplies softly. He's pretty sure there weren't any books lying around at the house. Pretty sure, but not totally certain. He'd only been looking for Felix that night.

[conjuredskies]

"No." Felix closes his eyes. Now isn't the time to think on what a worthless waste of time that was-

"No, I- I searched the upper chamber. Where I'd been sleeping." At first. When he'd still slept. "I thought they had to be there, I must have gone through every scrap of paper in there three times over. But... they weren't. Which means I had to have... taken them further down. Where I was working."

He's quiet for a few moments. Not sure how much of what he saw or sensed there was real. It had felt real... "I only made it to the top of the stairs. I think... I think there's something still down there."

[smartass_captain]

At first Jim says nothing. His hands grip tightly to the ceramic to keep from shaking. Felix took them further down. Down to a dark place that smelled of rotting meat and fetid water. Jim's stomach rolls. He has to bare his teeth to physically force back the urge to be sick. He's got no idea how pale he is, how tight his expression has become while Felix speaks. It's been years, now.

After all this time, Jim really thought he'd be alright.

But all it takes is mention of that dark flooded cave filled to the brim with shambling horrors that reach out in the gloom. Of skin soughing off as limbs brushed against him, covering his hair and clothing in their decay. (Deep breaths. In and out.) Felix is right here. Felix never became one of them. He's right here.

"There were...too many." Jim's voice is tight. "We couldn't get rid of all of them."

[conjuredskies]

He opens his eyes at the strain in Jim's voice. The fear he's fighting down before it turns into panic. And that alone drags Felix back from sinking into his own memories- standing on the precipice of a shadowed stairway, the wash of fetid air snuffing out the light, the unwanted memories of what he did down there- it all becomes that much less important beside the knowledge that his husband is afraid. Not gone. But faded, unfocused. Less real and less tangible than the shudder in Jim's breath and the sick look in his face.

Felix leans over, rests a bandaged hand on Jim's arm. Tugs it until the other looks at him, if only to urge him not to do that and risk hurting himself.

"I... yeah." Should he say he knows? Remind them both of how many he made? How aware he was of the rescue team's progress through his-their domain? Felix doesn't know. It takes a few minutes before he can bring himself to say any more. He's trying not to think too hard when he does.

"I don't... know how long they would last. Most of them. I don't think I was that skilled. The enchantments might have frayed, or run out of power..."

[smartass_captain]

It's like turning over a page in a playbook and recognizing the next act by name. Felix tugs on his husband's arm until he nearly spills his coffee and as assuredly as the sun rises in the morning Jim's brow furrows with his worry as he turns to face Felix directly.

"You're going to hurt yourself again--just because the medicine numbs the pain doesn't mean you're healed just yet." But it's a hand to pull Jim up safely out of the ocean of nightmares he'd been sinking down into the depths of. It's an anchor to the here and the now rather than the past both men here have tried so very hard to forget.

Jim's hands are still warm through Felix's bandages as he eases his husband back to where he should be resting. Rielle and those blades are still hurting Felix even now. But Jim isn't a mage, no matter how much he's tried to observe them. The information Felix divulges brings the first whispers of relief to the captain's fears.

"They're not...permanent? But you said..." Felix said he thought. But he could be wrong. It could have just been his own fear and bad memories getting to him. "Then how'd you...you're supposed to be an expert with Conjuration. How did you get hurt?"

[conjuredskies]

"I know, but-" There's no arguing with Jim, though, and honestly Felix is too grateful to see his husband's thoughts turn anywhere else besides that dark place. And he'll do all manner of unwise things if it'll keep Jim from that.

Which is rather what got them into this position in the first place, though, so perhaps he'd best keep a leash on that inclination.

"I-" He shakes his head, unable to explain all the things he needs to in one breath. "Not like that. I don't know what's still down there. A skilled necromancer could make a zombie last for years, centuries even, but even with the Runeblades I was... only practicing yet." He swallows back bile, pushes down the memory of how much more they had planned. He had planned, with their encouragement.

"I think- well. It doesn't matter, I never saw what was in there. My light failed and I- I got out." His heart is pounding again, mouth dry with the echo of that mindless terror. "I couldn't go any further down. It was foolish, I've fought zombies, I should have..."

But maybe this is the wrong time to say he should have handled that. The squeeze of Jim's hands brings him back to the question. Felix bites his lip as he looks up at the captain.

"I couldn't go back in. So I thought, I could summon something to go in for me."

[smartass_captain]

No matter how many times its explained to him Jim never talks about Conjuration and Necromancy as being the same school of magic. When he says Felix Caelus is the expert when it comes to Conjuration, he's speaking to lesser daedra--to familiars and atronachs who protect the mage when called upon. To the Princes Felix holds reputation with and barters for favor. But he knows logically that in Tamriel they are very much one and the same. Perhaps it's why he'd assumed those undead would yet still be roaming around in the depths.

"You were afraid." Jim can't blame his husband for that. He's afraid right now just thinking about what's still down there. What they're going to have to go back and face. "Did...did you flame atronach do this to you?"

[conjuredskies]

"No." That's immediate, certain. "I needed a creature that wouldn't be throwing fire around- something powerful enough to deal with whatever was down there and not get distracted- and, well, something with hands."

Sweet Sanguine, he wishes he had a drink. Jim probably won't give him one. "I made a ritual circle and summoned a dremora. They're, uh, a race of warrior daedra that serve some of the Princes. More powerful and complex than my other summons, but I had the circle, I should have been able to bind it. Only..." He exhales, eyes distant. "It's all so jumbled. I must have lost focus. I know I lost control of the summoning and it... came apart. It exploded in my hands, hence... you know. I guess I hit my head when I was thrown back."

[smartass_captain]

When he says it like that, Jim feels foolish for asking if it was Felix's flame atronach at all. He'd only been thinking about the burns on Felix's body, about the light she would have been able to provide down below. The atronach is a being of destructive fire though. While she doesn't burn what Felix doesn't ask her to Usually there would have been too much risk. Books are flammable and her hands would incinerate them surely.

But the other atronachs, the familiar, they don't have hands at all. To try a new summon, beings powerful enough to serve Princes directly, in a place like Rielle when Felix was already too shaken to venture down himself...

Felix admits to nothing but Jim remembers all too well the mangled state of his armor. Where it looked to have taken a heavy blow. Not by fire nor an explosion but by a weapon. If Felix didn't venture down into Rielle's deeper lairs then he could only have been attacked by the dremora itself.

"How...long is it going to stay summoned? The dremora?" It made the journey over between planes. It attacked his husband. It's not bound by Felix's control. Lucky indeed that Rielle is secluded far from any nearby towns, but still.

[conjuredskies]

"Potentially... until it's slain or otherwise banished. It's a living spirit with its own magic: it's much more robust than a lesser undead."

Bad news upon bad news- and Stratos will be even less happy to hear about this part.

"I think... it might stay close to Rielle. At least for a while."

[smartass_captain]

Great.

So they've got a summoned spirit to slay on top of whatever else is crawling around in Rielle's depths. But the dremora at least is an enemy Jim can focus on. A creature that's tried and failed to kill his husband. When the only alternatives are feeling weak, sick fear Anger is a welcome friend. It ripples underneath his skin and strengthens Jim's resolve.

He knows better than to be blinded by that desire for vengeance again, but it does wonders to help steady his hands.

"Good. We'll deal with it when we....take care of the rest. I don't care what plane its from. My phaser was enough to stun you. I think I can stall a spirit warrior long enough to...do whatever we need to do. Banish it or deal with it."

[conjuredskies]

It's such a... a Jim response that Felix can't help but feel a little lighter, a wash of gratitude for his husband's immediate determination. He doesn't flinch- doesn't know enough to balk at what Felix has done nor to quail at what they-

Well. That's where it sinks in, what Jim is thinking. It's not like he didn't expect it, but Felix feels a heaviness in his chest all the same.

"...You mean to go with me."

[smartass_captain]

The fact that Felix still thinks he can talk Jim out of going with him is crazy. After everything Felix has done, after everything that's happened to him....No, Jim won't let Felix face this alone. He's willing to bet Stratos will be of the same mind.

"We face our struggles together." Firm.

[conjuredskies]

"Even aside from the dremora, I don't know what else might have moved in since I left. It... might be more than some... leftover zombies."

As if even that would be the worst thing about going back down there. As if that's what he's most afraid to face. He's not looking at Jim now and it's... it's not exactly terror or stubbornness haunting his expression. It's guilt. Shame.

[smartass_captain]

Thinking about going back still turns Jim's stomach and makes his fingers feel cold as ice. He hasn't suddenly stopped fearing Rielle just because he's decided to support Felix in this. If getting over trauma were as simple as deciding to do so Jim would be a much healthier person in general. Even in the future there are some hurts that just can't be easily healed. But there's not Only fear soaking though Jim anymore.

He's faced hell before. There's comfort, too, in knowing he won't be alone.

"Then you'll need a bigger gun to handle it, won't you? Well. Spell. You know what I mean." It's not easy to sit and watch his husband look so ashamed. Jim's first instinct is to wrap his arms around Felix's shoulders and whisper reassurance in his ear. But it's just...not that simple. Aside from their own argument, Felix needs to realize he's made a mistake. Needs to own it.

It's still not easy.

"I....I promise if I can't handle it, we'll turn back and try to come up with another plan. Alright? You'll have a better chance of sorting this out with me along."

[conjuredskies]

Just that is a hell of a concession from Jim. A promise, up front, ahead of time, that Jim will resist his own do-or-die impulses, acknowledge that he might need to back out for his own well-being. It drags Felix's eyes back to him, widening now. How can he argue with that inexorable logic? That kind of gesture? No matter how much he wants to reject the idea of bringing Jim back there...

Gods, he feels so exhausted by his own emotions.

"...I'm more afraid that I won't handle it."

[smartass_captain]

"....Oh."

Hot on the heels of that promise, and Felix makes the stakes so much higher. Going back to Rielle with backup in tow is a prospect Jim's only half certain he can handle to begin with. But to go alone? Certain he'd do it, less certain if he'd sleep at night for months to come after. What's he supposed to say to that? They can't just leave a man's reputation and possibly life in tatters because they're too afraid to set things right.

Jim knows what he has to do. But he's very sure Felix won't like it.

"Well. You've already tried once. I can't ask you to go back. I'll....I'll figure something out."

[conjuredskies]

It takes a few moments to really understand what Jim is saying, but then Felix is pushing himself up and grabbing for him, regardless of his husband's urging.

"You can't- don't you dare think of going back alone!" Not after the talk they just had. "You can't get angry at me for running off alone and then do the same damn thing!" He doesn't know if there's more fear or outrage driving his words.

[smartass_captain]

Jim doesn't pull away though annoyance is flickering through him immediately to see Felix trying to grab for him again. To hear his husband's complaints loud enough they can probably be heard from the corridor outside.

"I didn't say I was going back alone, Felix. I said I wasn't going to force you to go back if you couldn't handle it!" He needs to not shout. Not get swept up into this escalation of emotional outburst but it's so hard. So hard not to dig in his heels and push for a fight.

"Calm down. I'm not going anywhere tonight." Not while Felix is still hurt.

[conjuredskies]

He quiets, at least- calmed more by the reminder that Jim's not going anywhere yet. His weak hold on Jim relaxes further, though he's not lying back.

"That just means you'll take Stratos." The other man who's already had to do too much to bail him out. "That doesn't make it better. I'm not asking you to fix my mistakes again. I'm just- afraid I'm going to start remembering things and lose my grip like last time-"

He swallows. Looks at his hands. "If I fuck up again, you'll be there to get hurt."

[smartass_captain]

"Felix if you think we're getting out of this without Stratos tagging along you're crazy. He's as worried as I was and it's as like your Uncle won't even let us up there without him in tow already." Terentius and Stratos already know what's happened. At least as much as Jim did before Felix started coming clean with the details.

There's not much chance they're going to sneak out again. Jim's been sending their brother regular updates on Felix's condition. Hopes it's helped ease Stratos' worries being a world away somewhat.

"We have to go back and see them the moment you're recovered enough to go anyway."

[conjuredskies]

"...I know." He closes his eyes, exhaling sharply. He still doesn't want it to be true, but he's kind of lost his chance to decide how this should go.

"I just don't want you to go there without me. I. I don't want to go back. But it should be me."

[smartass_captain]

"...None of us want to go back." Jim admits quietly. He feels comfortable speaking for Stratos and even their Uncle here. No one wants any of them to have to go back to Rielle. Not now, not in ten years, not Ever. But if they've got to at the very least none of them should have to go back alone. Jim just wishes Felix hadn't hurt himself already trying to do exactly that.

"But the thing is, you can't do this alone." His laying bandaged in bed more than proves it. Jim shakes his head. "And we care about you more than we're afraid of the things that lie up there. If I lost you to that place....because I wasn't there to help..." It's so hard to voice the shit that's eating at him. Jim hates this down to the marrow of his bones. He hates feeling weak like this.

"...We'll get it done and then no one has to go back ever again."

[conjuredskies]

He doesn't know what to say. Nothing that can change the truth of what Jim's saying. It's just that for all Jim gives himself a hard time for hiding from his problems, he's better than Felix at knowing when something just has to be faced up to.

"Sweet gods, I fucking hope not," is all he can think to mumble as he sinks back into the pillows. He doesn't want to talk about this to his uncle, to his brother, but he owes them... some explanation. There's so much he hasn't even told Jim about. Things he doesn't want to revisit himself.

He might have to, if he goes back to Rielle.

"Okay." His voice is barely above a whisper. "We'll do it your way."

[smartass_captain]

"This isn't about...." Jim sighs. He lets the argument fall unspoken, cast aside as he moves to help better arrange Felix on their bed. However Felix chooses to word it he's at least not fighting Jim on this any more. It's going to be long nights plagued by memories and anxiety filled nightmares for some time, but this time Jim won't be alone.

"Just lay back and rest for now. I'm no nurse but I can look after you."

[conjuredskies]

"You always do," he says very quietly. His mind is restless but the exhaustion is kicking back in; he's in no position to keep fighting it. "I... won't need much. Just... don't go too far. Please."

Having Jim here. Being here, in their quarters, hearing Tiber scuffle with the dead bug under the coffee table- all of it is a comfort he didn't quite realize he needed. He came so close to losing Jim, last time. Losing this. Not again. Anything but that again.