Playing With Shadows II, for smartass_captain

[conjuredskies]

The darkness flows around him, a river of shadow beneath a moonless night. His hands are in agony and there’s a dull thudding pain in his skull, but he’s safe. For now. At least until Jim finds out what he’s done.

Which… is fuck up a ritual in their most hated place and let loose a powerful, bloodthirsty daedric warrior.

Felix utters all the Andorian words Norn’s taught him not to say.

“Are you just going to sit there, featherless? Don’t you know how to walk?” There’s a familiar harshness to the voice; Felix isn’t surprised to lift his head and see the crow sitting in a stunted tree close by. Though in his defence, he thinks, it’s a black bird sitting in a black tree in the realm of eternal night. It doesn’t exactly grab the eye.

“You’re… the Knave of Rooks, aren’t you?” The smallest of the Blackfeather Court, and one of the lowest-ranking, from his observations.

“Correct, mortal!” The bird puffs and preens. “Prince Nocturnal commanded that I should guide you through her glorious realm of Evergloam, in fulfilment of your contract!”

"You? So then..." She didn't set one of her phantom Nightingales to handle this errand. Even a former mortal must outrank the bird. But Felix bites his tongue hard on that. Not the time to start offending his guide with such observations, even if he's inadvertently learning something. 

The Knave cocks his head at Felix, the glint of his eyes a violet spark in the gloom. “Well? Speak! Where is it you need to go?”

“Uh-“ To the Enterprise, scream the white-hot nerves in his hands, the ache of his skull and ribs. To the ship and Dr. McCoy and all his wonderful shiny machines for making the pain go right the hell away.

Then he considers the look on Jim’s face when Bones immediately reports this, and winces. Anyway, there’s precious few shadows to fall out of on the Enterprise. He’d be as well going to their quarters and then he might give Jim a nasty surprise to his face.

“Iowa. My home on Earth.” He doesn’t know if that means much to the crow, but maybe that doesn’t matter.

“Very well. Follow! Hurry up!” The crow flaps off, leaving the mage to stumble after him, up the bank of the dark river and through a sparse wood Felix has glimpsed before. He finds his sight starting to adjust to the shadows as he picks his way over rocks and roots, trying to stick to what path there is. The bird calls to him again each time he drops behind, harsh and grating and peppered with commentary Felix can’t concentrate enough to be annoyed by.

The pain in his hands ebbs and throbs in turns. Eventually he musters himself to speak again, just to distract himself.

“Hey… Knave? You’re a servant of Nocturnal. A… a wise noble of this realm. Can you tell me… why the hood I wear didn’t protect my mind, from… from the foul place I delved into?”

The compliments seem to do the trick: the bird stops to preen instead of complaining about the question. He seems to hesitate, though. Felix nearly flinches when he flies down to the conjurer’s shoulder, leans over to tug the hood with his beak.

“The boon of Nocturnal? Her Gift of Merciful Shadow?" His voice is even harsher delivered straight into Felix's ear. "It softens the bitter edges of the light, veils the bones too sharp for mortal minds to bear.”

“Yes- I know that, but then why didn’t it work?” It didn’t stop Rielle from getting to him. Reminding him…

“How should I know, featherless? It makes things seem no more than the lies they tell, yes? Maybe you are a bad liar!” The Knave scoffs and flaps loudly away into the darkness.

A bad liar? That doesn't even make... Felix nearly laughs until the shooting pain in his ribs makes it a whimper. He doesn't have energy to waste on ruining what little dignity he has left; he shuts up and follows until the Knave circles a pool of shadow, cawing pointedly. The conjurer steps into it- and lands on the rug in a darkened living room.

---

He doesn’t dare look at his hands until he’s running them under cold water. The burns left by the backlash of the spell are… bad, the skin bubbled and raw. Conjurer’s burn is an occupational hazard but he’s never been so stupid as to let himself fail at a summoning this badly. Never felt the results like this.

He’s infinitely lucky not to be dead, of course. He knows that down to his bones. Lucky to be here - he couldn’t have worked a PINpoint like this.

The burns are nothing he couldn’t heal… if he only had the use of his hands. Felix allows himself to groan and swear with the pain- and the anger at himself. The house is empty, nobody cares. He does have a stash of potions, though the way his body complains he doubts he’ll have anything strong enough to fully tackle what he’s done to himself. He goes for the best one- the emergency elixir stashed in a cupboard, gingerly maneuvering it down to the counter with his seared hands. Hugging it in the crook of his elbow as he painfully gets the stopper off.

When he lifts the hefty bottle to drink- he tips his head back, there’s a moment of nauseating dizziness - it slips out of his fumbling hands, spilling across the counter as it bounces-

-rolls-

-hits the floor and smashes.

Felix stares at the ghastly mess over the tiles. At the ghastly mess of his hands. For some reason all he can think despite the despair and the burning pain is What am I going to tell Jim?

And oddly, that’s when something clicks. He understands, quite suddenly. Not knowing whether to laugh or cry, Felix starts to do both. A painful, racking, sobbing laugh as he slumps against the counter and lets himself just… surrender for a minute.

What are you going to tell him? Idiot. You don’t even know what to tell yourself.

Comments

[auspex_caelo]

Felix's armor. Somehow the sight of it alone is more ominous than seeing Felix himself. Stratos closes his eyes a moment and tells himself that Felix must be in no more danger- the healers have him, Jim isn't rushing them to his side. He needs to help Jim understand what happened, since it's plain the captain wasn't there.

"Conjurer's burn... that wouldn't surprise me." The faint signs of burn marks on the armor tell a tale themselves. "I assume there wasn't much left of his gauntlets, then. It's an injury that happens when a mage loses control of a summoning spell - from the backlash of the released energies. Typically because they tried to summon something far too powerful for them."

He's making himself look at the chest piece abstractly, just a piece of evidence with a story to tell. His fingertips brush over the gash and dent in the midsection of it, reading more than trace magics.

"...Something with a weapon, by the look of this. Assuming that wasn't what interrupted the spell and caused the backlash." He knows he's predisposed to expect recklessness from his brother but Felix has generally been careful about what he summons before. Maybe something else interfered this time. Then again, why would Felix set up a summoning ritual somewhere unsafe?

"Where was he, when you found him?"

[smartass_captain]

"At the house, back in Iowa. I think he went for a potion, but couldn't get at them with his hands. I found him..." Jim swallows roughly. "Collapsed on the floor. Brought him right back here and got him to sickbay so Bones could look him over."

"I know...a little bit of what happened." He tries to recite what Kav told him as best as he can remember it. How Felix has been worried over something he'd borrowed from a friend at a mage's college that he desperately needed to return lest the other end up in serious trouble. That Felix wavered over what to do about it for some time which meant they weren't easy to retrieve if possible at all.

Why he couldn't come to Jim or Stratos for help.

"....I think he went back to Rielle alone. That he's lucky to have made it out at all."

[auspex_caelo]

Stratos is grimly quiet up to that point, nodding slowly here and there. It's such a typical tale for Felix. Exactly his kind of trouble and precisely his kind of scheme to try and get away with it without anyone else finding out.

Up until Jim says Rielle, and several of the pieces snap into place. Stratos swears softly.

"And that's why he wouldn't have told us, of course. Mara's sake, how could he be so foolish?" What was he trying to do with this spell? Surely not more necromancy, not there. Stratos looks down and shakes his head, wishing his little brother was here so he could shake the man. Which is how he notices something on the floor, a soft shadow blending with that of Jim's desk. He stoops to pick it up; a bit of silky grey cloth, a hood that must have been dropped beforehand.

"Whatever he took, it must have been something he was using for... the runeblades. It hardly speaks well of the item's nature."

[smartass_captain]

"Stratos..."

Jim's so tired. So worried. So angry, though if it's with Felix or himself more Jim isn't sure anymore. Everything is raw and too sharp to think about for long in the moment. It's taking everything Jim has to stay calm.

"No, but it does that he'd try to help a friend he wronged." Jim glances at the hood in Stratos' hands but he has no ability to sense what power emanates from it. Even if he had an aptitude, this spell is subtle and difficult to grasp the feel of. "Even if he was an idiot about how he did it. I could have helped him. He shouldn't....have to face that alone."

His sigh seems to fill his quarters.

"I'm going to go see him. Will you come?"

[auspex_caelo]

Stratos sighs as well, some of his anger exhaled with it. It's hard to work up a fury when Jim puts it like that. Maybe Felix was just trying to do the honorable thing, though why he had to start doing that now...

"Of course I will. Do you need me to..." He pauses, frowning at the hood in his hands. It's subtle, but there's something oddly potent about the slim, elegant garment. He's seen Felix wear this before, hasn't he...? "Do you know what this is?"

[smartass_captain]

Maybe hanging around Jim for this long has worn off on him. Jim wishes so very much that it hadn't. Not when it's left Felix broken and mangled down in sickbay and looking so horrified to have seen Jim at all. His heart aches to know he's caused Felix this much pain unintentionally even as his anger simmers with nowhere to go. It's a mess of ugly emotions and Jim is just....so very tired.

"Hm?" He almost misses the garment Stratos is holding at first. His brow furrows slightly. "It's his mage's cowl, isn't it?"

[auspex_caelo]

"I thought he usually wore the blue one." Well, blue-green. Well-cut but made of much simpler cloth than this silky cowl. "I don't recognize the enchantment on it... but it is powerful, and there's a strange feel to it."

He shakes his head and sets the hood atop the battered leather gear. "It's probably some artifact he obtained in the Nexus. We should go to him. Should I conceal myself on the way?"

[smartass_captain]

"It's gamma shift. That..." But even at this time there are still some people about working. And Stratos has no uniform. It's been over a month since they've been at any base for resupply. Questions would raise if someone nosy caught sight of him.

Jim clears his throat.

"Yes. Stay close to me. We can pull a curtain around the bed Felix is at once we get down there for some privacy. So long as you don't drop the illusion in front of Bones it'll be fine. He's...still acclimating to the magic thing." A very kind stretch to say even that much but Jim knows he is trying in his own way.

[auspex_caelo]

Stratos almost, almost smiles at that. Instead he nods, and with a gesture vanishes from sight. All that's left is his voice, oddly muffled when he says, "I'll be your very shadow, then."

Though there won't even be a shadow cast behind Jim as he strides down the corridors of the ship. Only a touch at his arm when he looks back questioningly. Stratos half takes in the subtle differences between this ship and the one he saw before, though his mind is elsewhere. And this time they're taking a very different route into the ship.

At least Felix won't be quite such a mess when they reach the sickbay. He's sedated and dosed with painkillers that ensure he won't be making those awful little noises any more. Lying back in a daze as he's patched up bit by bit. It seems that it's been a while since he's seen Jim but he doesn't know if that's good or bad.

[smartass_captain]

The touch is difficult to even pay much attention to but Jim nods softly before he leads them through the Enterprise-A to where Stratos' brother is being kept. Stratos still has to work harder to keep his boots from sounding on the hard floors. Keep himself hidden from sight in these brightly lit corridors. Casting is still as difficult here as it ever was.

Jim makes no comment as he holds the door of the turbolift open once he's stepped inside until Stratos touches his arm again.

"Hold on." A soft murmur before they descend deeper into the heart of the ship--his ship. It's a thought that usually brings Jim comfort but right now all he cares about is seeing his husband again. If Stratos says anything while the lift drops Jim makes no mention of it.

The barebones staff in Medical is expecting Jim when he finally strides through the door. One of the nurses gestures toward a bed set up in the back near Dr. McCoy's office. It makes Jim exhale sharply through his nose in not quite a snort. Usually the spot reserved for himself when he does something stupid and Leonard wants to hover nearby. It works out in their favor all the same.

"I'd like a minute alone with him."

"Just try to be quick, Captain. He needs to rest..." A token effort but they know they won't dissuade him now. Best to go alert Dr. McCoy that Jim's come and let him have his time with his husband.

"Come on. Over here." Jim keeps his murmur quiet as he leads Stratos over to where Felix is laying. He makes himself turn to draw the thin privacy curtains around the bed before he sighs heavily. "Alright, we should be good." He glances down at his husband, unsure if Felix is even awake after he's been so sedated. "...How're you doing, Felix?"

[conjuredskies]

His eyes are flitting open at the murmur of Jim's voice followed by the familiar tread. He swallows hard but doesn't speak immediately, too stuck for words. The pain and overwhelming fear have been replaced by the haze of sedatives and the guilty knowledge of what he's done. The knowledge that now he has to face Jim.

"...Feeling like an idiot, but at least it doesn't hurt so much now." He tips his head to peer at Jim better, though it makes him wince and roll back again. That's far too much work. There's more color in his face now, though, no ragged edge to his breathing.

"As you should." Stratos drops the veil, eliciting a soft groan from Felix though the elder Imperial's face is lined with worry as he leans over and gently brushes Felix's bangs from his eyes.

"Hey Stratos... didn't expect to see you."

[smartass_captain]

"Told you Bones knows what he's doing." Jim's lips twitch automatically in the shape of a smile but the captain's too tired to force one completely with how deep his worry is for his husband. He sighs at Felix's groan, knowing the other isn't going to like any of this.

"Felix everyone knows. I went to the house in Bruma first when I was looking for you. I only came back to the place in Iowa to get potions you might need when I found you. I was...I was going to call Stratos and head out after you." Jim's hands tremble slightly at his sides.

"Kav came to me when you hadn't returned. I...I know you went back there."

[conjuredskies]

He looks away up at the ceiling as Jim speaks, too tired to deal with the implication that Terentius knows too. But his eyes drop back to Jim at the revelation of how close both of them came to following his trail after him. A soft sound of denial escapes his throat even before Jim makes it clear he knows where that trail led.

"...I'm sorry. I never... th' whole point was not to drag you back there."

"So you ran off there alone?" Stratos is trying not to be accusing, really, but the exasperation is hard to hide.

"I could do it fast, maybe. I had a plan..."

[smartass_captain]

Jim almost opens his mouth but he sighs instead. He's too tired to argue. His anger has dwindled on seeing his husband hurt and laid out here into a sick twisting in his guts.

"....I know." What more can he say right now? Jim doesn't know enough of the story to make a judgement on anything. His voice is heavy with emotion when he continues. "You're alright now. Bones will look after you and. A...after that we can get you to a healer in case you've damaged something inherent to your magic."

Thank the Divines thank Sanguine thank every god Felix worships that his husband is alright.

"Your uncle said we might not be able to treat all of it if it's magically inflicted."

[conjuredskies]

Felix said it had stopped hurting, but seeing the pain on Jim's face and the upset on his brother's brings the worst part of it back. He can't nod easily but he manages the tiniest bob of his chin to what Jim's saying.

"..Yeah... yeah, I'll be okay. I promise."

"I think any lingering magical effects will depend on the nature of the spell and the... creature he summoned." Stratos extends his hands over Felix, frowning as wisps of light play between them. "It may be that most of the damage is physical, but we should consult a restoration expert to be certain."

"'S fine. It wasn't a Prince. And I..." He sighs. "Called up an atronach after. M'magic's not broken."

[smartass_captain]

Jim won't get to linger there terribly long before he's being silently tugged back and away from the bedside. Leonard says nothing as he leads Jim back into his office for a moment, not until he's shut the door at least.

"What's he doing to my patient, Jim?" Leonard isn't going to argue much that Jim's brought Stratos here. He's a family man himself and knows most of the crew would be tripping over themselves to have the chance to see their loved ones in person when they're recovering for some familial comfort. "Setting aside he hasn't been cleared to be on the ship or gotten his goddamn shots like Felix has....what was all of that about magical effects? What got ahold of him, Jim?"

And again Jim wants to lash out for being taken away from Felix's side. His fatigue slams up against him and Leonard can see the exact moment Jim's carefully crafted veneer of control shatters apart.

"I don't fucking know what happened, Bones, and that's part of the problem, alright?!" Jim is bristling, his hands flexing at his sides as even the thought of pacing makes him dizzy with his exhaustion. His longest and closest friend brushes aside the snap with a sigh.

"You know more than I do."

"One of his spells...I think...reacted badly. S'what burned him. Stratos is making sure he's not screwed for spellcasting going forward." Jim drags his hands through his hair and tries not to swear for how his fingers tremble.

"Put yourself back together, Jim. We can't leave them unsupervised. I need to take notes on what Stratos is doing with your husband right now." In case any of that voodoo is going to affect his treatment, god forbid. The doctor heads toward the door of his office before glancing back at Jim. He should probably pull a chair up next to Felix's bed before Jim passes out.

He leaves Jim to pick up the pieces of his demeanor before slipping back between the thin curtains they've pulled around the kid's bed. He touches Stratos' shoulder gently.

"What's with the light show?"

[auspex_caelo]

Stratos looks around in surprise at Jim's disappearance, though he's concentrating too much to break his focus. Felix manages a tiny wave at the doctor disappearing with his husband.

They're quiet for a moment or two, Felix pulling tiny faces at the unsettling feeling of having his life energies probed by Stratos's magic. The elder Caelus may be a trained battlemage but restoration magic isn't his speciality, though he has enough expertise to make this examination it's not very subtle. It feels uncomfortably like something poking around inside his skin.

"You know for all your faults, Felix, I never thought you'd have trouble asking for help when you needed it. Or that you'd risk your own skin for... for a point of honor?"

He's too tired to go through it all now. "It's important. B'lieve me. Anyway I told you, I'd a plan. Protection. I was bein' safe."

"And yet you hid it all from us."

"I thought... this time I could clean up my own mess."

Stratos falls quiet at that, and neither of them has much more to say before there's a touch on his shoulder. It's his turn to grimace a little sheepishly, though he nods courteously to the doctor when he lowers his hands and turns.

"I'm trying to discern whether the backlash of energy Felix suffered might have had some... less physical effects on him that we should know about."

"'S scanning me," Felix mumbles helpfully. He'd opened his mouth as if to complain but even if he had the energy to joke nobody's in the humor for it.

[smartass_captain]

Hopefully Felix is coherent enough to commit that tiny grimace of Stratos' to memory. It's not terribly often that the Elder Caelus brother gets caught with his metaphorical pants down. Dr. McCoy doesn't look amused but nor is he complaining about this and Felix knows well enough by now that it means he's not going to be putting up much in the way of a fuss over the matter.

Still. He'd like to know what's going on.

"I can give you a readout of his scans, if it'd help." Leonard crosses his arms while he looks Felix over. The painkillers seem to be doing their job though Felix is in no condition to be explaining himself right now even if everyone here would sorely like some answers.

"Stay over on this side for a second. I gotta drag a chair in here for the captain to collapse into before I gotta carry him over here." Jim looked to be about a minute away from a complete breakdown and at least here the doctor knows he'll actually Rest like he's supposed to instead of doing something stupid left to his own devices.

[auspex_caelo]

It might help that Stratos doesn't look like what he's doing is going to interfere with Leonard and Christine's work directly. Even if he wanted to, the tribune does know better than to mess with a healer on their own turf. Felix is... blissfully enjoying the reprieve from being scolded or questioned. The lights aren't as painfully bright here and it's a chance to let himself drift without thinking too hard about the conversations ahead.

"I'm not certain I'll be able to interpret them, or how what I'm looking for would appear to your instruments... but I would appreciate it, doctor." A little compromise, maybe, between their methods. "I'll stay out of your way, of course. Though if you do need help with him..."

[smartass_captain]

"I always need help where Jim's concerned." Leonard grumps but it's clearly not meant to be literal as he scoots a chair over from where it had been housed next to another bed now no longer in use. They're not the most comfortable but they've got some padding and are much less unforgiving than the boxy wooden chairs Stratos is used to seeing about back home on Nirn.

"Har har, Bones. Real damn funny." Jim's voice is so small now as he slips back in with the others to watch his friend move a chair over to Felix's bed. "What's that for? Stratos isn't staying that long."

"No, but you're going to and we both know it." The doctor glances between them all. Nods to where Stratos is standing. "I'll grab it." He's not forgotten about Felix there either. Not even close. "I'll bring you a glass of water, too." Just give him a second to go and do both of those things. Stratos will get the PADD handed to him but Felix is going to get the glass set down next to his bed. It's Jim who leans over and taps the screen to bring up the readings for Stratos.

"Second degree burns covering his hands, more minor ones on his nose and cheeks. Concussion, rib fractures---Christ. You really went through the wringer, Felix." Jim had been trying to impassively read off the more notable points for Stratos' benefit. He's wincing instead.

[conjuredskies]

Stratos is certainly frowning at the screen. Felix is less interested in the medical details since he's heard them listed off already and he knows half of them are treated already. He lifts a bandaged hand to wave vaguely at Leonard in thanks for the water. He's not willing to make the effort to sit further up and grab it just yet, but it's nice to know it's there. At this point it's been many hours since he thought to eat anything and his waterskin is abandoned in the ruins of Rielle.

What lightness had returned to his expression with Jim's reappearance fades away as he watches his husband wince.

"Hey... 's all right." He reaches out carefully, unable to really tug at the captain's sleeve but touching him all the same. "Didn't mess up my face."

It's a tiny, hopeful joke. Hopeful that this will make Jim smile even a little bit instead of getting more mad at him. Stratos gives him a look over the padd he's tentatively scrolling through.

[smartass_captain]

Jim doesn't quite pull away but his brow knits in worry to see Felix reaching out to him with his bandaged hands. He doesn't want to hurt Felix any more than he already must be. It's the absolute last thing he wants. Still, he's shocked into a little laugh more than goaded into it but it's something for Felix to take. Something to hold onto.

"Nothing Bones can't handle, right. And we'll let a healer see you once you're on your feet again."

He's just...he's been so worried about you.

"That over there's his vitals since I got him in." Leonard points out to Stratos. He's not bothering to give the others much response at this point, not with how stupid Jim is over his husband at the moment.

[conjuredskies]

It's okay Jim, the painkillers are working well. He's touching so gently, pulling a tiny smile at that laugh from Jim. See, he's not that bad. He's still here with you.

"Sure... whoever Stratos trusts. Bones patched up m'head already, ribs'll be all right... just gotta wait for m'hands to heal up."

Stratos nods, scrolling through the numbers and trying to check how they'd compare with his expectations. Where he lingers is on the neurological scan Leonard took while checking for nerve damage. That, he clearly recognizes, and the mage's eyes about light up when Leonard taps a button to make it play out the recorded nerve activity.

"This seems normal enough, given his injuries..."

[smartass_captain]

Leonard glances aside as Jim settles into the seat next to Felix's bed and picks up the glass of water to offer out to Felix. Jim might have to hold the straw steady so his husband can get hold of it but at least it'll give Felix a bit of a drink. Sitting down is only going to remind him how exhausted he is, Leonard reckons.

The doctor turns back at Stratos then.

"Enough to ease your worries until we get him upright again?"

[auspex_caelo]

Stratos is doing his best to glean everything he can from the information on the padd. Still, he nods when Leonard turns and catches his eye.

"Yes... of course. There doesn't seem to be anything more to be done. And I'm certain he's in good hands." He offers the pad back, eyes tracking to where Jim is helping Felix to sip his water. That, as much as the information, eases the tension from his shoulders. Felix is in good hands - those of his husband, and his friends.

As much as he wants to linger with Felix, he knows he's more like to get in the way and risk drawing questions if any other crew spot him. He hovers by the bedside for a little longer before he sighs.

"I... had best leave you to rest. But Felix- when you're in a better state-"

"We'll talk, I know." No escaping that, despite how his eyes have half closed. Stratos gives the smallest of smiles.

"Indeed." He looks between Jim and Bones then. "Stay in touch, Jim. I want to know how both of you are doing. And... thank you, doctor. It's good to know someone level-headed is keeping an eye on them."

He's not going to give Jim the chance to work up a retort before he PINpoints out.